Literally Me: "Hello everybody my name is Markiplier and welcome to Five Nights at Freddy's, an indie horror game that you guys suggested in mass, and I saw that Yamimash played it and he said that it was really really good; so I’m very eager to see what is up - and that is a terrifying animatronic bear *reads off script* family pizzeria looking for security guard to work the night shift. Oh, 12:00 A.M, the first night. If I didn’t want to stay the first night, why would I stay any more than five? Why would I say anymore than two - hello. Okay...Hello? Hello - oh, ah I can’t move. That’s a creepy skull...There’s creepy things on the wall - Oh, hello. *Phone Guy begins dialogue* “Hello, hello hello,” Hi! “Uh, I wanted to record a message for you, to help you get settled in on your first night.” Eugh.. “Um, I actually worked in that office before you, and I’m finishing up my last week now as a matter of fact. So, I know it can be a bit overwhelming..” Euuagh..! “But I’m here to tell you, there’s nothing to worry about,” Agh.. “You’ll do fine! So, let’s just focus on getting you through your first week..” Okay! Sounds go- “Ah, let’s see..First there’s an introductory greeting from the company that I’m supposed to read - i-it’s kind of a legal thing, you know, ahm - ‘Welcome to Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza-” Okay “‘..A magical place for kids and grownups alike-” *Mark wheezes indistinctly in the background* Heheha.. “..Where fantasy and fun come to life,” Eugha..! “”Freddy Fazbear entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person, upon discovering that damage or death has occured, a missing person report will be filed within ninety days or as soon as property and premises had been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpet’s have been replaced,’ blah blah blah - now that might sound bad, I know, but-” Yeah! “-There’s really nothing to worry about! Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No, if I was forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years, and I never got a bath, I’d probably be a bit irritable at night too. So just remember, these characters hold a special place in the hearts of children, and you need show them a little respect, Right?” Okay! “-Okay-” Ha-okay! “So just be aware, the characters fo tend to wander a bit-” Nehaheugh- “They’re one some kinda of free-roaming mode-” hehauhuhugh! “Uhh.. Something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for two long,” Oohoohoo- “Uh, they used to be allowed to walk around during the day, too, but then there was the bite of eighty-seven.” The bite..?! “Yeah..” What bite?! “It’s amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe,” Why?! “Now concerning your safety, the only real risk to you as the night watch here, if any, is the fact that these characters - if they happen to see you after hours, they probably won’t recognize you as a person-” Oh..Oh! “They’ll most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton without it’s costume on. Now, since that’s against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear’s pizza, they’ll probably try tooo.. Forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit.” Oh, I get it… “Uhm, now that wouldn’t be so bad if the suits themselves weren’t filled with cross-beams, wires, and animatronic devices-” Augh? “”Especially around the facial area,” uh-huh.. “Now you can imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those can cause a bit of discomfort-” Yeah! “-or death. “Uh, the only parts of you that would get to see the light of day would be your eyeballs and teeth that pop out of the front of the mask-” Euah! Oh! Why? What happened? “Now, they didn’t tell you these things when you signed up, but hey! First day should be a breeze, I’ll chat with you tomorrow, uh.. Check those cameras and remember to close the doors, but only if absolutely necessary.” That’s not good! “*incomprehensible* gotta