Recent reviews by LIP LOCKED WITH YOUR DAD

best bitcoin miner on steam i had fun

Have you ever wanted to be a silly, goofy, diabolical, nefarious, devious, little goober stinky monkey????

Do you wanna throw big heavy rock at other monkey????

Maybe do a little bit of bunny hopping and jiggle peeking through the castle hallways???

Then do I have the game for you: Burg.

We all are nostalgic about playing the greatest game of our childhood: hide and seek. Well, what would make hide and seek better? My man Barji knew exactly what would make hide and seek better. And that, well, was adding monkey, bhopping, rock throwing, and wall hacks.

My first time playing through Burg gave me a spiritual awakening. I needed to feel the monkey, be the monkey, really get in tune with the monkey's brain. My hands melted into my keyboard as i jigglepeeked the castle walls, looking for any fraudulent seekers chasing me down. I knew I was better than them, that I could dodge roll away, air strafe down a 50 foot pit only to hit a YY ladder stall right before the bottom. These seekers have nothing on me. I am one the monkey. I am Burg.

The more you play Burg, the more your 3rd eye awakens. The more you can feel the monkey. The more you transform into the monkahahahahahah give banana!!

monkey throw rock make you seeker i beat you i own you bhop bhop bhop i win :)

my favorite part of the gen z humor was when the school got shot up after the teacher did his silly little goofy sideways dance out unharmed

what a nefarious little game, devious even

The Garten of BanBan... where do we start with this complex artistic masterpiece of a video game. I understand many are not enjoying their time with Garten of BanBan; however, I believe that Garten of BanBan is only reserved for the true critical thinkers of our time. The 1 percent is who this game was created for. A deep, psychological look into the Euphoric Brothers' twisted dark realities.

I was touched deeply by Garten of BanBan. It woke up a deep, buried feeling of loneliness. The void within BanBan's Garten is just like the void in my heart. The intricate puzzles of BanBan really required me to use all 250 points of my IQ to properly solve not only correctly, but efficiently. The creature designs rival that of H.P. Lovecraft Cthulhian designs.

Unlike many of you, I will be eagerly awaiting the sequel to Garten of BanBan: the Garten of BanBan II. I have the utmost confidence in the Euphoric Brothers to deliver a deeply disturbing game that rivals that of My LIttle Pony: A Maretime Bay Adventure.

If you asked me if I would recommend this game to anyone, I would answer a resounding yes. This is the greatest game ever conceived into our deplorable world. Our short, meaningless lives in the greater vast universe just became a little more important with the release of Garten of BanBan. A true masterpiece, a true work of art, and a true storytelling triumph in the Indie Horror Genre.

You should play Garten of BanBan at least once before you die if you want you life to amount to any level of importance. Do not rob yourself of this euphoric experience.

Black Desert is a game I was intrigued to try because it was on sale for $0.99. Unfortunately, $0.99 is too expensive for this steaming trash heap of technically inept garbage. This is the first time in my life, I have been softlocked from frame 1 of the tutorial. I thought that game reviewer who got stuck in the Cuphead tutorial was retarded, but oh man, do the Quality Assurance testers for Black Desert somehow have more chromosomes. Instead of spawning in as my newly created Goth Daddy character, I instead spawned as a dying desert weed. Which, little to my knowledge, was a great metaphor for how my 1.3 hour experience with this pathetic excuse of a game was going to go.

After I reset my game multiple times, and finished playing the roulette of spawning in as a bush or my character, I was finally able to press W to move forward for about 5 seconds until the game decided it wasn't going to let me progress any more. After I pressed "R to interact," I got put into a very simple mission that a drooling troglodyte would be able to pass with ease. The only objective is to press Shift+W to sprint follow an NPC. Sadly, the NPC doesn't actually sprint, instead she has no animation and slides at the pace of a wheel chair bound paraplegic, so if had to gingerly tap W to stay behind her. Sadly, again, the game decided that even though I could see the insides of her orifices, that I was too far away and got reset to the top of the hill. Now keep in mind, you only have to "sprint" about the length of a football, a very simple task. The game does not allow you to do this, instead of simply letting you get down a hill, it infinitely resets you to the top of the hill as your sanity slowly dies away, kind of like the dying weed I spawned in as, instead of my character.

My first solution was simple, just exit out and relaunch the game. Unfortunately, this doesn't work either. Instead of being able to exit the game, I had to Alt+F4 because when you get to the main character select screen, there was no Quit or Quit to Desktop. Every time I force closed the game, the resolution on my ultrawide monitor got pushed down to 1920x1080 and stretched across the whole screen, which is wrong.

The one time, after over an hour of trying to Sprint down the hill, the game finally allowed me to progress, I followed more of the extremely bland, ♥♥♥♥♥♥, animated tutorial fights, only to be met with a complete game crash. I didn't even get the convenience of a bug report or error log, the game just got snapped out of existence, just like my $0.99 is getting snapped out of Gaben's pocket.

Burning a dollar bill and inhaling black smoke would've been a more enjoyable use of my time and money. If you are a masochist and enjoy garbled, ♥♥♥♥♥♥, trash garbage that cannot work for more than a minute at a time, then I highly recommend buying Black Desert. If you have a brain and like getting value out of your singular dollar, you would have more fun flushing it down a toilet.

This game should, sadly, be called BDO (Black Desert Offline) :(

why we hacking tho