"I am the E-4 Mafia, master of the profile and guardian of the sham room. Embracing shadows where no first sergeant can find. I'm not just a specialist; I am the backbone of the Army, a regular in the smoke pit, a resident of the barracks.

I know every corner of the PX, every quiet spot for a nap. I hold sacred knowledge of dentist appointments and SFL-TAP. Always out of cigarettes, I'll bum one from a PVT. My movement is swift—just quick enough to avoid a task.

I keep the peace between obligation and laziness, architecting minimal effort for maximum chill. Clipboard in hand, I patrol the command hall, close to the enemy, always ready to delegate, diffuse, and disappear.

I stand ready to train those who come after, passing on the sacred rites of prolonged lunches and extended smoke breaks.

Thus, I pledge to uphold the secrets of the E-4 Mafia and to forever excel in the craft of just... good enough—For I am the E-4 Mafia, can I have a cig?"