To be honest. After years of smoking and drinking, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...
In between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of corner shop piss at 3AM, you do sometimes look at yourself and think. This is fantastic, I'm in heaven,

It is the way it is, because it is the way it is. If it wasn't the way it is, it wouldn't be the way it is.