2 people found this review helpful
Recommended
0.0 hrs last two weeks / 2,042.6 hrs on record (1,060.6 hrs at review time)
Posted: 7 Nov, 2016 @ 4:57pm
Updated: 7 Nov, 2016 @ 5:20pm

CS:GO Review
BECAUSE WHY NOT

CS:GO. The latest entry in the Counter-Strike series, released in 2012. It was originally intended for console, but the dudes at Valve came to their senses and realized the simple truth of "PC MASTER RACE". The console version of CS:GO has been forgotten about, like that term paper I have coming up.

CS:GO is a highly competitive game with a pretty high learning curve. You will git rekt many times before you even start to git gud. Even so, the competition can be great. The game has a lot of depth when it comes to what you can do to clutch the round. There are many paths to success in this game, but each one is surrounded in a forest of paths to failure. You will slowly learn to discern some of these paths to failure before you end up taking them. In fact, you might get so caught up in learning epic smoke spots that you forget to improve on your aim.

You will have to spend a lot of time in the casual game mode. This mode can be fun, but you will get mocked and laughed at whenever you make a mistake. Remember: voice_enable 0 is your friend. Watch some videos on YouTube about the basics of CS:GO. WarOwl is pretty good. If you are already a master of CS:GO and you think WarOwl is terrible, I wish I was half as good as you obviously are. Please start making videos so we all can bask in your opulent wealth of knowledge and lamborghinis. Don't forget seven new bookshelves. Maybe rent a place in Beverly Hills, too.

This game has great longevity. Its weapon skins are a force to be reckoned with. When players put their pride into their inventories, they want only the best skins, and they will pay top dollar for them. You will have to compete with them. With competition comes envy. Players will think that they are entitled to good skins because of their matchmaking rank. They think that silvers aren't allowed to have an M4A4 Howl. Remember that skins and skills are not indicative of each other. Trying to judge a player's skill by their inventory is like trying to judge a programmer's skill by the assortment of clothes in his closet. The two are far from related. By introducing weapon skins, Valve is able to keep a steady stream of revenue, and that lets them fund continuous development of this game along with whatever other projects Valve is tackling. The new graffiti content got people upset. They think that Valve's developers simply said "I got an idea; graffiti!" and added it the next day, assuming that they were neglecting the bugs in CS:GO, and that they obviously weren't planning on adding graffiti for months or even years now.

Let's move on and talk about the competitive experience. At first, you will have to win ten competitive matches to be placed into a skill group. If you are unranked, you can only win two competitive matches a day. To get your designated rank, you may very well have to throw a week into the game. In comparison to how much time you will be spending in CS:GO as a whole, this is nothing. In your placement matches, you will be put up against opponents of varying skill groups and the ranking system will pay attention to how you perform as an individual. This is the only time in which your individual skill group is actually measured via your individual skill. After receiving a rank, you could drop 30-40 kills every game, but if you're losing them, then you will be going down a rank. You could even perform well in a matchup against players whose skill groups are much higher than yours, but that won't be enough to convince the ranking system that you don't belong in your skill group.

You will probably search for a match alone for your first few games. This is referred to as "solo queuing", and it is not recommended if you intend to rank up. Try to be friendly and get some guys to queue with. Also, keep in mind that, similarly to the term "peek", the term "queue" is much too complex for any CS:GO player to reliably spell, so know that "que" and "q" often mean the same thing. Some people might even spell it as "cue". There is a place for these people, and that is the blocklist.

Matchmaking games will consist of 30 rounds. Five players on each team. It is likely that players will go AFK, get kicked, and/or get banned. Every once in a while, you may play against a team of five bots. Or all of your teammates are bots. First team to reach 16 points wins. If both teams reach 15, then you get a tie. The servers run on 64-tick. In other words, the game will update in-game actions like the positions of enemies 64 times a second. In CS, this is somewhat acceptable, but it could be better. Call of Duty games run on 30 or so ticks per second. Battlefield 4 used to run at 10 ticks per second on launch. 64-tick works for a casual scene, but not a competitive one. People ask for 128-tick matchmaking servers. However, you need to be getting a decent framerate to take full advantage of it, and most players aren't fulfilling that requirement, so upping the servers to 128-tick would make a difference that isn't noticeable for the majority of players, and those with more powerful machines would have an advantage. Before you ask: no, my computer isn't one that will be hindered by a higher tickrate. My old one would, though.

You will definitely win games, and you will definitely lose games. You will meet awesome teammates, and you will meet emotional timebombs. You will be commended for your performances, but not before you are laughed at for your blunders. No one in CS:GO matchmaking is aware of the fact that a single game from you is not nearly enough to ascertain your general skill level. If you miss as much as 1 shot with your AWP, you obviously belong in Silver 1.

While there are definitely Russians in this game, most of the Russian you will hear will be "cyka blat". And it will not be from Russians.

You will have fun. You will slam your desk. You will meet great people. You will want to yell into your microphone. You will get a one-tap collat with your AK-47 while flashbanged. You will miss every bullet from your P90 spray. You will be exposed vast amounts of toxic radiation, and the only super power you'll get is the ability to absorb it like a sponge.

Bring tissues.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award