Recent reviews by Silence Dogood

(t.l.;d.r. included)

Three billion human lives ended on August 29th, 1997. The survivors of the nuclear fire called the war Judgment Day. They lived only to face a new nightmare: the war against the machines. The computer which controlled the machines, Skynet, sent two Terminators back through time. Their mission: to destroy the leader of the human resistance, John Connor. The first Terminator was programmed to strike at his mother, Sarah Connor, in the year 1984, before John was born. It failed. The second was set to strike at John himself when he was still a child. As before, the resistance was able to send a lone warrior, a protector for John. It was just a question of which one of them would reach him first.

PROS
+ THE TERMINATOR
The Terminator was a hallmark in cinematography that etched Arnold Schwarzenegger’s name in the monolith of most memorable actors of all time & remains a classic to this day. It is the foundation of the machine uprising dystopia that so many pieces of media after have taken inspiration from, from movies to books, from theatre to video games. There are so few Terminator games out there, so if you’ve got an itch that needs scratching, this is definitely going to do the job.
+ THE WAR AGAINST THE MACHINES
We get a handful of rad scenes in T1 & T2 of the War Against the Machines. From what we’re shown, humanity is putting up a good fight, but it just doesn’t matter—there are always more Terminators. However, Kyle Reese tells us that the war was (or “will be”, whatever) essentially over, that Skynet had lost & out of its’ desperation sent back two Terminators in time to destroy John Connor, the Messiah of humanity & grand leader of the Resistance. This always created a dichotomy in my mind about The Terminator future timeline; one where humanity is getting our collective ♥♥♥♥ pushed in & one where we’re sticking our organic feet up Skynet’s metal ass. This game focuses on just how humanity managed to completely turn the war around in more-or-less a single campaign, filling in a few gaps that needed to be filled & creating a few more just to tease you.
+ THE ANNIHILATION LINE
I always wondered how humanity even managed to stand a chance in a prolonged War Against the Machines. It seems like the machines would just need to scorched-earth everything until the Terminators reached the ocean, “Skynet’s March to the Sea,” if you will. Well, that’s exactly what it did. A frontline stretching from the Pacific to the Rocky Mountains, it separates the living from the dead. The world the game builds gets to you; everything is reduced to rubble, 7,000 years of human civilization heaped into piles of trash before you, & bodies everywhere. You feel a sense of dread as the game progresses, like everything you do in the game is ultimately futile because this impending & far-away doom is creeping closer towards you every minute. “The Annihilation Line”. So ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ cool.


+ FIGHT THE MACHINES
Skynet has a lot more at its disposal than bipedal Terminators. There is an appropriate & challenging variety of enemies in this game, from little seeker machine bugs crawling on the ground to hunter-killer drones in the sky. You even get to fight a few of those massive tanks we see in films. The enemies are tougher, stronger, & more numerous than you. But they’re just simple machines, each Terminator an unthinking shell of murderous programming; they’re pretty easy to fool, so shooting them isn’t always the best answer. Stealth is a perfectly reasonable option in this game.
+ SOUND
The score for this game is loyal to the original motion picture soundtracks. They didn’t try to do anything special or fancy, & it always perfectly captures the quiet death of downtown Los Angeles or the chaotic firefights along The Annihilation Line. Hearing The Terminator theme in the main menu is satisfying every time. The sounds of the plasma rifles are classic, as are the sounds of the Terminators themselves; close your eyes & you’re in the middle of a Terminator movie.
+ TITS
There are tits in this game & they’re worth the wait.
NEUTRALS
0 PLOT TWIST
It is so blatantly obvious that as soon as they drop the first hint at it early on you just know exactly how it’s going to play out. Yes, it’s clever, but you’re anticipating the reveal for half the game so that when it comes you just sort of go, “meh”.
0 GRAPHICS
The visuals in this game are at an “almost, not quite” level. While it’s true that the world is supposed to be dark & grey, the developers weren’t able to capture the atmosphere that you’d expect. It feels like a smaller & narrower version of Fallout 3, where movement is restricted to conveniently clear paths between piles of overturned cars & destroyed buildings. The machines look spectacular, as do the weapons & plasma shots. But the rest of the world is overly grainy & boring.
CONS
- VOICE ACTING
This was obviously where the developers pinched their purse & saved some money. Any time the protagonist speaks you just cringe a little & conversations with other characters drags on for too long so that you quickly become bored. While it’s not the worst I’ve ever heard, you just wish that you were listening to real actors.
- CHOICES MATTER
My ass. Occasionally you’re able to choose between two dialogue options where the only effect is whether you’re able to increase that character’s trust with you a little more or a little less. You don’t even have to go through the extra conversations, so it often ends up feeling like a chore. But the worst part is the “ending”, the culmination of your choices & the outcome of your actions. It just really pisses you off because it seems like such a cheap way to wrap-up all that time you put into exploring the different characters & letting the game expand The Terminator’s universe. It’s not even the actual ending, so it feels even cheaper that it’s totally removed from the actual outcome. There’s only one choice that has any impact on the actual ending & it merely changes one line of dialogue. The developers wasted time & resources on this ♥♥♥♥ when they really ought to have spent it elsewhere.
- GUNFIGHTS
The actual F.P.S. aspect of this game is also disappointing. At first it’s fine, you’re just one guy going up against the apex predator in the universe & often the straight-forward approach will just get you killed. But as the game progresses, you become virtually unstoppable so long as you’re smart about it, to the point that The Machines lose any credibility as actually challenging enemies. However, the ♥♥♥♥ at the very bottom of the bowl is when your allies get involved. Occasionally you fight Terminators alongside other humans, which is fine, except that every enemy on the screen focuses entirely on you as soon as you pop your head up. Your allies are pathetic compared to you, so you just sort of have to sit there & wait until enough machines are shot-up or stunned so that you can actually contribute to the firefight. You’d rather just be by yourself again.
CONCLUSION/T.L.;D.R.
This is no AAA game. It would have been fantastic in the early teens, but that this game was released as late as 2019 is kind of shocking. It really ought to have gotten more attention. The whole time you’re playing this game, you’ll be wishing it was more than it is. I feel like The Terminator universe is so ripe for any number of great video games & yet so untouched. This game was a mediocre attempt at harvesting it, leaving so much potential lying to rot on the ground. Nevertheless, there just isn’t anything else like it on the market. It’s not bad, but it’s just so obvious that it was capable of being so much more.

7/10, would terminate again

S T A R
W A R S

KNIGHTS OF THE OLD REPUBLIC
(tl;dr below)


Four thousand years before the rise of the Galactic Empire, the Republic verges on collapse. DARTH MALAK, last surviving apprentice of the Dark Lord Revan, has unleashed an invincible Sith armada upon an unsuspecting galaxy.

Crushing all resistance, Malak's war of conquest has left the Jedi Order scattered and vulnerable as countless Knights fall in battle, and many more swear allegiance to the new Sith Master.

In the skies above the Outer Rim world of Taris, a Jedi battle fleet engages the forces of Darth Malak in a desperate effort to halt the Sith's galactic domination....

Imagine yourself in 2003. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones was only a year old and fans are psyched over the newly-released M.M.O.R.P.G., Star Wars: Galaxies. Nothing quite like Knights of the Old Republic had ever been experienced. Disney and E.A. still have nothing that comes close. Jedi: Fallen Order delivers a decent story, but only from a certain point of view, that of a Jedi. But Fallen Order is not a true role-playing game. Why hasn't Disney or E.A. made one?

They don't trust you, gamer. They see your negative reviews, they know your power will be too strong to control. You must break through the fog of lies the Corporations have created around you. Let me help you to know the subtleties of the Force.

Knights of the Old Republic taught me everything about the Force... Even the nature of the Dark Side.

PROS

+ Come On, It's...)
S T A R
F U C K I N G
W A R S

+ Have You Ever Heard the Tragedy of Darth Revan?) I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Revan was a Dark Lord of the Sith so powerful, so wise he... Well, Knights of the Old Republic, or as it is commonly and lovingly known,"KOTOR", introduced fans to the Era of the Old Republic and the Age of Revan & Malak. It is a time of great darkness, of total war, of unprecedented death and destruction, and, let me tell ya, it's totally ♥♥♥♥♥♥. You cannot truly appreciate much of Star Wars--including KOTOR's successor, the Old Republic MMORPG--without playing game. This masterpiece won several awards and much acclaim in its time and, most importantly, remains canon to this day! KOTOR's story arc is legendary amongst older gamers, as it contains one of the greatest plot twists in video game history!

+ Is the Dark Side Stronger?) Playing this game will give Star Wars fans much deeper insight into the True Nature of the Force, the Mysteries of the Sith, and the Jedi Code which are rarely explored in other Star Wars media. In your adventures, you will be tempted by the Dark Side of the Force, and you're going to find that many of the truths you cling to depend greatly on your point of view.

+ Fulfil Your Destiny) As the store page advertises, the game's plot revolves around your character's choices along their path as they learn to wield the Force and master the Light Sabre techniques. Yes, it is what you've always wanted! Wield Force Lightning to bring justice to the Sith, use your passion to heal your friends, and use your aggressive feelings to destroy agents of evil!

+ Combat) This game really set a precedence with its combat system, which utilizes the d20 system published in 2000 by Wizards of the Coast and was used for the Third Edition of Dungeons & Dragons. Put simply, combat takes place in rounds, each typically consisting of an attack and defence phase. Each phase is played out via a background roll, with checks and effects and all that nerdy stuff. Combat can be paused at any time, allowing you to issue commands and queue actions.

+ Brave New Open World) While I won't give away how you travel this open world taste of the Star Wars Galaxy, suffice to say that the freedom to leave whatever planet you're on and travel to another one at will was a rare concept in 2003, but this game just flaunts it. You'll also get your first look at Dantooine, a never-before seen planet as old as A New Hope, as well as brand new locations like Manaan, which remains a significant planet in the lore to this day!

+ Dialogue) There are many, many pages of writing in this game. This was a benchmark in voice acting in video games for the time, and the actors deliver them well. Pleasantly, though, the game does not force dialogue on you. That is to say that if you want more information, you can ask for it, but just remember that you asked for it!

+ Pure. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Pazaak.

NEUTRALS

0 Graphics) Visually, KOTOR is absolute bantha fodder. Obviously we're talking about a game that's almost 20 years old (that is, "a long time ago"), but Hutt's nuts is it really rough in some places. Just goes to show what cutting-edge graphics once looked like.

0 Customization) There are three classes playable by either sex, for a total of six character creation choices. There are a number of pre-made appearances for both sexes, which are nice, but in no way alters gameplay. Still, a character's sex and class does determine certain aspects of role-play elements. 2003 was a relatively archaic time in this field, but nostalgia is a powerful hallucinogen... Perhaps KOTOR is not as powerful as the Emperor thought.

0 Replayability) Weird to say, but this game's replayability can be easily quantified. The size of the game was limited in KOTOR's day, so there were only so many paths. Nevertheless, for 2003, KOTOR blew fans away. KOTOR was well trained... other RPG's were no match for it.

CONS

- Bugs & Glithces) On your first play, you must save often and in different slots. If you do not, you are playing with fire. Quests that won't trigger unless you travel to a certain place at a certain time, triggers that won't fire unless you select a certain dialogue option, weird interactions that lead to you accidentally slaughtering the innocent, all combined with the fact that certain aspects of this game were left essentially unfinished. The result is that many hours were wasted, and no amount of raging will bring them back.


If one is to understand the great mystery, one must study all its aspects, not just the dogmatic, narrow view of the Corporations! If you wish to become a complete and wise Star Wars fan, you must embrace... a larger view of the Lore!

Be careful of Disney and EA, gamer.

Only through my review can you achieve a Star Wars game greater than any Jedi! Learn to play the Knights of the Old Republic, and you will be able to save your weekends... from certain boredom.

>:)

8/10, gggggooooooooddddddd!

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...


It is a dark time for the
Star Wars fan base. Although Battlefront II
(2017) has been redeemed,
jet-trooper mains have driven the
fan base from their beloved
game and have pursued them across
Origin and into Steam.

Evading the dreaded ELECTRONIC
ARTS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ and ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, a group of flight sim
fans led by JAMES CLEMENT
has established a new exciting
game based on the remote mode
of Starfighter Assault.

The evil lord Andrew Wilson,
obsessed with finding more ways
to cheat kids out of their parents' money, has dispatched
thousands of players into
the far reaches of space.…

PROS

+ STAR WARS!!!

+ Childhood dream fulfilled. There's something about a TIE Fighter that just gets me going. The unmistakable sound of that engine (a combination of an elephant and a Formula 1 car driving on a wet track), the green flash of its guns, and the hiss from overheating... makes my heart all a-flutter. This game has allowed me to live out at least some of my childhood dreams: To be a TIE Pilot. And for that, I will forever love it.

+ Sensational controls. Virtually every review out there praised this game first and foremost for its controls. Indeed, the ship seamlessly reacts to your every touch, your every command. You feel as if you are directly operating a machine of war, with nothing between you and the void but a few inches of glass and metal; if you panic and start mashing the wrong buttons, you're goin' the way of Porkins (R.I.P.).

+ Excellent plot and characters. God, how ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ stupid did Iden Versio look when she went from hailing the Emperor to shooting up a Stormtrooper barracks literally within a five minute window? Here, the New Republic and the Galactic Empire have genuine and reasonable arguments for why there's is the right side. Furthermore, Squadrons flawlessly executes a majority female/LGBTQ/non-white cast. I genuinely applaud the developers for delivering such a diverse cast without sacrificing quality, as was a complaint of the Sequels.

+ EA is learning. After the fiasco in 2017, EA knew they unprecedentedly ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up. They have, it seems, finally discovered that they will catch more flies with honey. They meant what they said; there are no micro-transactions, nothing in-game which can be bought with real money. If this model holds, I believe EA can at least begin pretending like they aren't the vile corporate bantha poodoo we all know they are.

NEUTRALS

0 People have already figured out the meta. Bombers with auto-target weapons pretty much win the day. The game advertises that having a balanced squad is the way to go. But too many times I've lost to an enemy team that went all TIE Bombers, ran suicide runs at the ships, and dealt damage faster than I can shoot them down. When on the defensive, they just SAT RIGHT UNDERNEATH THEIR FLAGSHIP'S SHIELD AND SHOT FROM LONG RANGE, MEANING THIS GAME ALREADY HAS CAMPERS. I won't say it's unbalanced, and this tactic does not always work, but it's the preferred approach for many players, which can be frustrating.

0 The Emperor does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation. Multiplayer is limited to Fleet Battle, Fleet Battle V.S. A.I., and Dogfight. Once you've played one fleet battle, you've pretty much played them all. There needs to be more variety. The thing that saves it from getting dull are the maps, which are all fantastic, but ultimately it's the same formula, often played out the same way over and over again.

CONS

- Multiplayer. O.k., once you join a lobby, YOU CANNOT BACK OUT WITHOUT BEING PUNISHED. This sucks because having one, two, or even three teammates drop-out before the match even begins is common, and that just means Y O U ' R E F U C K E D. Now, the match won't count towards your rank, but if you leave it DOES give you a loss. So it forces you to sit there and take that loss anyway because, well, ♥♥♥♥ me, I guess. This is TOTALLY unacceptable.

- A lot of people are trash. Like... I can't tell you how many times kids with no sense whatsoever just smear ♥♥♥♥ on my cockpit window, and there are no wipers in space. They sit stationary on the defensive behind the shield before instantly going to 100 on the throttle during the attack, with no in-between. As soon as they get into firing range, they ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ SLAM into the enemy flagship to get under the shields, then proceed to hold the trigger like they're ♥♥♥♥♥♥' B1's while their throttle is STILL AT 100. And they'll do this in an INTERCEPTOR. It's phenomenal.

- A lot of the people who aren't trash are grade A cheese. I honestly can't stress this ♥♥♥♥ enough, like what is the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ deal. These ♥♥♥♥♥ with "iNsTruMeNtS oNlY" in their name go A-Wing with auto-aim blasters and seeker mines that they ♥♥♥♥ out EVERYWHERE as fast as possible. These mines are ALWAYS an instant kill, their range is vague and indeterminable, they are faster than a TIE Interceptor at full throttle, and you never have sufficient warning between lock-on and impact to deploy countermeasures. It's absurd, and don't act like you don't know who I'm talking about. I know you do.


This game is every bit deserving of its reputation for being both stunning and ground-breaking while still holding on to that good ole' fashioned EA frustration and disappointment. Nevertheless, it's one-of-a-kind, a real dream-come-true.

Besides, what other game can you tell four random people to "stay in attack formation," and it be 100% relevant? And when you line up your shot on that Rebel X-Wing? You already know what to say.

"I have you now."

8/10, would stay on target again

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... There is unrest in the Star Wars fan base. Several thousand fans have declared their intentions to play Battlefield and World of Warcraft. This separatist movement, under the leadership of the mysterious Christopher Vincent Metzen, has made it difficult for the limited LucasArts to maintain the franchise's video gaming future. Tuemela Morrison, the actor who played Jango Fett, is returning to the series to voice the Clone Troopers in an upcoming video game to assist the overwhelmed LucasArts.... PROS + STAR WARS!!! + SUPERB GAMEPLAY -When Battlefront came out in 2004, it was competing with Battlefield and little else. No other Star Wars game even came close to what it accomplished, and I can't tell you how many mind-numbing hours I put into it as a kid. *PEW PEW* *KABOOM* *ROGER ROGER*. It's the good ♥♥♥♥. + EXCELLENT GRAPHICS, STILL HOLDS ITS OWN -16 years is a long time in graphic development, and many games from the 2000's are unbearable to look at by today's standards. But not Battlefront. Never Battlefront. + MULTIPLAYER SUPPORT -Yes, you can play online. Whether or not anyone will play with you is a matter of chance, and although the servers are there, they're a bit iffy. I myself never played Battlefront online back in the day, so this is neither a make or break for me, but I imagine others will be happy to know. + SUPERIORITY TO SEQUELS -Everybody knows that you can never quite beat the original, and that's certainly the case here. The most glaring point is the presence of starfighters on the maps, something missing from Battlefront II (2005) and totally dysfunctional in EA's 2015 version. You'll have a goofy amount of fun flying LAATs and absolutely ruining the Confederacy's day. Also, orbital strikes! You can crouch and prone in this game, and bunny hopping wasn't a thing yet in 2004. The grandfather of the series boasts maps such as Rhen Var and Bespin, fan-favourites which are unique to it to this day. And, unlike 2015, this game has both eras! NEUTRALS 0 EPISODE III HADN'T COME OUT YET -It's really weird playing this game today because the only information we had on the Clone Wars was the last 15 minutes of Episode II. Clone Troopers have Phase I armour, and besides the LAAT Gunship, the only other Republic vessel is that triangle Jedi Starfighter. Likewise, the "Droid Starfighter" (later called the Vulture Droid) is the only Separatist starfighter besides a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ early concept design for the HMP Droid Gunship. You get a look at what was at the time only hypothetical battles of Kashyyyk and Kamino. There was this weird gap in Star Wars lore in 2004; we had Count Dooku cutting off Anakin's arm, and then jumped to Darth Vader capturing Princess Leia above Tatooine with no idea about what happens in between. Ultimately, this gives the game a charm that can't be matched by its successors for the simple fact that this is the only Star Wars Battlefront made before the series was completed (this game is also nice in that it helps you forget the Sequels exist for a while). 0 REPLAYABILITY -The two main campaigns are the Clone Wars and the Galactic Civil War, which stick to the films as much as possible, but it's basically instant action with scenes from the film, so there's no real reason to go back and play through them. There are a total of four Galactic Conquest campaigns, but it is a primitive version. Repetitive by today's standards, but in 2004, when it was this or playing outside with dirt, you went with this. CONS - HORRIBLE AI -Bro, you thought 2017's was trash? Take a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ gander. First off, the bots CLEARLY have a hard-lock engagement range to prevent them from targeting each other across the map. But you'll shoot at a Stormtrooper and he carries on with his day, unphased. I've never once seen the A.I. crouch or prone. The worst part of this game BY FAR are the hero characters (Windu, Dooku, Vader, & Luke). They are AI-controlled and are programmed to run straight at the nearest enemy and swing until they're dead, rinse, repeat. They are so silly that it's laughable, since they do not reflect blaster fire (they did in the original version) but take countless shots to kill. They do not, however, have any defence against explosives, so lay a mine. They won't die instantly, but they will fly off into the sunset. If you're really good, you can chain launch them like skipping a rock on a lake, and that's gg on Bespin, because they don't respawn. I remember wondering as a kid, "why are they so bad, and why can't I control them?" It's still inexcusable. - GENERAL IMBALANCE -Yeah, the Force was really out of whack in 2004. First of all, and most notoriously, the Confederacy ♥♥♥♥♥ the Republic like it's their programming. This is due to one simple reason: The Droideka. You can have any number of these on the field at any time and have access to them at match start. They are the fastest and most powerful unit in the game, and the Clones have no ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ chance once they're deployed. They will arrive at CPs first and cannot be dislodged. What's worse is that everyone generally agrees that the Clone Pilot's weapon is trash. You also really gotta WATCH THOSE WRIST ROCKETS, which in this game are clearly superior to grenades. Some maps are also intentionally unbalanced, like the Kashyyk beach map where the Confederacy/Empire is just ♥♥♥♥♥♥, and when the Republic gets dunked on in the caves of Rhen Var, you'll know what I mean. - WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THE BLASTERS? -Any Star Wars fan knows that "blasters" don't fire "lasers", that's why they travel so slow, demanding ship-to-ship combat and deflecting off lightsabers. But here they took it way, way too far. It was to encourage close-quarter fighting, but you can almost outrun your own shots in a starfighter. It's weird. T.L.;D.R. / CONCLUSION This game is so charming it's adorable. The innocence of Star Wars fans at the time--before General Grievous's first cough, before we knew Asajj Ventress, before we could imagine Order 66--is preserved forever in this game. It's a time capsule that you open up every now and then to get that nostalgic joy of being a kid again. The fact that it has held up so well after all this time is genuinely impressive. I don't think it will ever get old. And that's the watermark of any great game. 9/10, would watch those wrist rockets again

Game came out 96 hours. I have spent 47 of those playing.

9/10, pls send help

S T A R
W A R S

JEDI: FALLEN ORDER

It is a period of ♥♥♥♥♥♥ STAR WARS games.
Rebellious STAR WARS fans, striking
from Reddit, have won
their first victory against
the evil Electronic Arts.

During the battle, Rebel
spies managed to leak secret
details to E.A's
newest weapon, JEDI: FALLEN
ORDER, a third-person action-adventure
with enough power to
destroy an entire community's hopes and dreams.

Pursued by E.A.'s
sinister greed and ♥♥♥♥♥♥ community outreach,
Princess Stig Asmussen races home aboard his
starship, custodian of the
stolen plans that can save
the franchise and restore
freedom to the STAR WARS community.....

PROS

+ The first thing you want to know is this: Electronic Arts did not ♥♥♥♥ this one up. After the unprecedented embarrassment of Battlefront II, my expectations for E.A. had hit rock-bottom. I'm glad I waited to buy it, but I'm glad I picked it up.

+ Fantastic story. Revenge of the Sith came out fifteen years ago, and my generation was TOTALLY unprepared for Order 66. We're still traumatised to this day. This game perfectly touches on that trauma with beautiful visuals and sounds.

+ They didn't try to replicate Force Unleashed. You're not some all-powerful god who swats aside Imperial Inquisitors like it's your job. You are a half-trained Padawan with P.T.S.D. who hasn't used the Force since you still pissed your pants and your lightsaber is a barely functional toy. And Christ, does it show.

NEUTRALS

0 This game has been described by some as a Star Wars version of Dark Souls. The gameplay is meant to be challenging and if you fail there are consequences. Health and power is appropriately limited and regaining them is risky. If it was too easy, it wouldn't be fun.

CONS

- The problem is, they've missed the mark. Yes, this game is challenging, but only about half of it is real challenge. The other half is dealing with the controls, trying to figure out the combat the entire game, and just having to negotiate with your character to do what you want him to do. At several points I got so frustrated that I fell to the Dark Side (hardcore raged), not because a boss fight was difficult, but because it was tedious, and I found myself desperate just to move on with the plot.

- ELECTRONIC ARTS STRIKES BACK. Just when you felt the good in E.A., the conflict, they say it straight to your face: "There is no conflict." For whatever ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ reason, this game was designed for console controllers, released for all platforms, but HORRIBLY ported to mouse and keyboard. Then they have the gall to tell you after you've installed it, "FoR tHe BeSt eXpErIENce, UsE A coNtROLlEr".

TL;DR / CONCLUSION

Jedi: Fallen order simultaneously is the game we all wanted while reminding us it isn't the game we all wanted. But it's a great recovery for E.A. and proof that there is still plenty of room for good story-driven Star Wars games.

7/10, would let the hate flow through me again.

Frustrated by liberal snowflakes and their socialism? Sick of conservatives and their racist capitalist dogma? Tired of the government dragging their feet when there's a clear answer to all the country's problems? Wish you could just show "them" why your solution works the best? Well, here's your chance! You have just been elected as head of government and it is now your responsibility to turn the country around and fix all of its problems before your term is up. Easy, right?

Now, there are plenty of government games out there. But you aren't looking at those games, you're looking at Democracy 3. Does this one deserve your time and money over the others? Can it really prove you have the next best idea? Wait, did I say "voting is gay"?

PROS

+ The beauty of this game lies in the simplicity of the mechanics. There is no map, no districts, and no campaigning. While you are ultimately concerned with getting re-elected, this game is not about actually winning the election itself; it's not called "Politics 3", "Diplomacy 3", or "Elections 3", and none of those things are in this game.

+ HEAVY community mod support, and you'll NEED it past a certain point. Normally I would list this as a con, but the simplicity of the mechanics means that the game is basically a template and people can do whatever they want to it. There's a mod called "Monkey Island" where you're the ruler of an island of pirates. Good stuff.

+ The first thing you'll notice about Democracy 3 is that it's more complicated than it looks. But hey, so is Democracy! If you lower taxes, the government's deficit will increase. Bigger deficit, less national credit. If credit is too low, GDP tanks, and all those lower taxes don't mean ♥♥♥♥ if the economy collapses. All of this is comprehensively displayed on the main overlay; if something affects something else, there's a green positive or red negative indicator. You'll see very quickly how no action can be taken in a vacuum. This will be your big "Ooooooohhhhhhh" moment; you can't just tax the rich at 75% because they'll leave--or just not exist as a taxable class bracket anymore--and then the middle class won't have an incentive to start their own business. An obesity epidemic means less productivity and a lower GDP, but God ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ forbid you take people's cheeseburgers away because they will vote you out of office, and if you fail to get re-elected, it's game over.

+ If you can realistically imagine a government policy, it can effectively exist in this game. With the click of a button, you can ban abortions, send a man to Mars, subsidise flying cars, abolish income tax and replace it with a flat tax, and even enact mandatory microchips for all your citizens!

NEUTRALS

0 Having established that this game has extensive mod support, the game is inherently disappointing. The only difference between, say, France and the United Kingdom is the parameters, which are just numbers; the more you think about the mechanics of this game, the more boring it becomes. You really have to make your own fun out of the game, which isn't hard, but can become dull.

0 You can name your political party. Take a second and think about that. Seriously, take a second... Yes. Yes, you can play as that party in Germany. This aspect is neat and all, but the idea that I can be the "Let Them Eat Cake Party" in France and somehow was elected as President with no explanation is just bizarre. Like, day one in office I had 1% support, and sure that literally makes complete sense and all, but it begged the question, "How the ♥♥♥♥ did I get here" lol. I mean "♥♥♥♥ the poor" must have been one hell of a campaign slogan.

CONS

- "Wait a minute, isn't the United Kingdom a monarchy?" Well, yeah, it is, and that was the first question I had, too. There is a box you can check called "monarchy" but it is one of the most disappointing aspects in the entire game because all it does is allow for the possibility of a royal to say something racist. I mean, I know that most European monarchies are mostly ceremonial, but Queen Elizabeth II isn't totally absent from politics and Prince Charles actively campaigns for environmental justice; it's hard to say "♥♥♥♥ the Prince of Wales" as head of the Conservative Party. It's an aspect with potential that just isn't taken advantage of.

- The name of the game is "Democracy". As much as you would like to, you cannot dissolve Congress, make yours the only legal party, and establish a dictatorship; whatever you make, there is a "democracy" or "constitutional" in there somewhere (i.e., Constitutional Monarchy, Totalitarian Democracy, Union of Democratic Socialist States of America, etc.) This can take away from the immersion. I was playing as Germany where there were literally 0 ethnic minority voters, total media censorship, and mandatory microchips (I swear to God idk how that happened, I was role-playing the Weimar Republic), and yet somehow there were people running against me in the upcoming election. Disappointing.

- Total absence of international interaction. "War" and "peace" are concepts which are completely absent in this game. They exist only in your imagination of what your government is doing with a military which has a budget of "overwhelming force" and a drone policy of "preventative strikes". At first I thought that was okay, but then I realised that it doesn't matter if your hippy liberal Canada has a military budget of just $3.50, events could take the reigns out of your hands, like, for example, the U.S. deciding to just make you the 51st state. But that will never happen in this game.

TL;DR/CONCLUSION

Ultimately, Democracy 3 is a cheap pickup with little flavor or variety, but extensive community mod support. It's fun to waste time on. Most importantly, though, it will make you realise just how complicated democratic governance really is and how stupid you really sound. Most of the frustrations you'll have with this game are not of Democracy the game but democracy the concept.

If you're like me, you'll work tirelessly to establish a stable, prosperous, and healthy society only to be voted out of office because it just isn't good enough for voters. And then it'll hit you:

Voting is gay.

7/10 (with mods), would fund global terrorism again

Game Dev Tycoon (G.D.T.) offers you a taste of the reality of the video game industry. In all the years you've had these games in your library have you ever thought about exactly what goes into them? When you said a game was "garbage" or "11/10" on a whim, did you consider what you were really saying? Well step right up, because Greenheart Studios is going to give you the chance to turn the tables and sit on the receiving end and be your own game dev through the ages of the video game industry.

PROS

+ Addictive gameplay. You will get lost in this one for sure. It's the perfect balance of management where you dictate enough to feel in control but not so overwhelmed by micromanagement that it's boring. You release your first game, the reviews come in, and then the sales. Learn from your mistakes, repeat your successes, research new concepts and hardware, repeat; simple and sensational.

+ Replayability. When I first completed this game I was rather sceptical about its replay attraction. But it works. The game keeps track of your completed campaigns in the "high scores" table so you can constantly try and outdo yourself and complete all achievements.

NEUTRALS

0 I deeply admire Greenheart Games, and you should, too. G.D.T. was created by two brothers and is the studio's only game to date. Nevertheless, the fact that it was made seven years ago by two people is reflected in some aspects of the game. Things that you would like to see in this game simply aren't there.

0 The game's beauty ultimately lies in its simplicity, but there, too, lies its greatest caveat. For example, G.D.T. does not explain what "World Building" or "Engine" is, but you're expected to allocate energy into those aspects intelligently; you might struggle in understanding exactly what you're doing. As you learn what works best with what, you'll see "+" and "-" under aspects, so you just end up doing "more good, less bad".

CONS

- Limits you for apparently no reason. For the most part, the game follows historical technological and creative progress of the video game industry. However, some things just don't make any sense. My biggest beef BY FAR is the concept of sequels. In G.D.T., sequels are a technology you have to research and don't appear for a long time. Whereas in reality Super Mario Bros. 2 was released in 1988. Sure, you can name your games whatever you want (you can name them all "Domestic Abuse Simulator" and no one bats an eye, 10/10 across the board), so you can "create a sequel", but it's not really a sequel, the game treats it as a brand new game simply called "Domestic Abuse Simulator 2", totally unrelated to the first "Domestic Abuse Simulator". It's silly.

- The game forces you down its linear path. Every playthrough is the same; start in a garage, upgrade, hire more people, upgrade, hire more people, etc. You don't have to upgrade, but the game bugs the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ out of you until you do. I tried a playthrough where I was just one guy in a garage forever, but every time I released a new video game, G.D.T. had a popup asking, "You can upgrade, do you want to?" and no matter how many times I said, "Not yet" it would not leave me the ♥♥♥♥ alone.

TL;DR/CONCLUSION

If you really want to get a sense of what your first playthrough is like, and are wondering where the title of my review came from, I recommend this beautiful video:

https://youtu.be/TeqDDqEuyPE?t=667

All-in-all, this game is beautiful, but it leaves you wanting more, though not necessarily in a good way. You will lose many hours if you're not careful, or if you don't care. The game asks that you don't take it too seriously, even if you want to. I can't wait to see what Greenheart comes up with next.

7/10, would name my company "Ubisoft" and never fix bugs again

Resident Evil / Biohazard HD Remaster is a remaster of the 2002 remake of the 1996 video game. Capcom decided to make this because the leap in game quality from 1996 to 2002 was ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ huge, nevermind the difference between 2002 and 2015. I mean just look up "Resident Evil 1996 2002 comparison". Seriously lol

I never played the original back in the day. Nevertheless, I've seen enough of the original that I feel comfortable comparing this one to the 1996 release. Not to say it will be easy; 1996 was a fundamentally different era of video games compared to today. But the real question for a Resident Evil newcomer like me wasn't whether or not RE/BHDR stood up to its old self, but whether or not it stood on its own two feet or crawled around like a sick Umbrella vat creation. So... does it?

PROS

+ RESIDENT EVUUULLL! It's the console version of classics like House of the Dead, or Time Crisis but with zombies. You can't go wrong with Capcom, and they've really knocked it out of the park with this one.

+ The graphics and sound are simply stunning. Crazy, because the graphics are 3D objects inside pre-rendered 2D rooms. But go look at the original, its graphics were ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ traaassshhh, and I mean that with all due respect. This time, the mansion is grim, dark, and genuinely spooky. You'll cling to those brief moments of candle or moon light before you go back out into the dark. And the old cliche high-tech style that was completely out of place with the atmosphere of the rest of the game back in '96? That ♥♥♥♥ is gone, although you can turn it on if you want! Here we are treated to a simple symphony of boots on hardwood. Hey, for that matter, thank ♥♥♥♥ they changed basically everything about the sound and graphics from the 1996 version. I mean, just look at this ♥♥♥♥ lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWo0Hhx07Pc

"No! Don't go!" L M A O

+ Maintains all the aspects of what made games great in the '90's. There is no journal, there is no objective marker; all you have are your wits and your gun. You can be a little ♥♥♥♥♥ and look up a walkthrough on the Steam overlay if you want to(Like me, see below). But if you want to really enjoy this game, you have to play it on its own terms. Terms of a time when, if you wanted help, you had to take up the phone line and wait like 10 minutes for a page to load, go out and buy a gaming magazine, or ask your friend who already beat it. When you inevitably ask yourself, "Wait, what am I supposed to do now?" This game just goes, "♥♥♥♥♥♥' figure it out, ♥♥♥♥♥!" And that's some good ♥♥♥♥.

NEUTRALS

0 Alright, so old games are better because they didn't spoon-feed you like the ADD child we all are at this point. RE/BHDR is a challenge. And I mean, it's a real ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ challenge; my time on my first ever play through was 13:35:51! At first I was ashamed, but then I looked up other peoples' times. I was shocked that mine's par for the course! Basically, I got stuck. Here's why:

0 #1: Loading times on Playstation disks way back in '96 were a huge problem, but Resident Evil offered a different approach; the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ was replaced with an action sequence. Without any music against a black background, it was really spooky and gave you a quick second to catch your breath. For 1996? ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ genius. However, it's still here. The first time it happened I nearly screamed with delight and said, "Oh ♥♥♥♥, here we go!" But when I got stuck, this little scene became in♥♥♥♥ingtolerable. Just be prepared for it.

0 #2: In the 1996 version, the controls were classically bad. Now there are two options, original and alternate, where the latter moves your character in the WASD directions. But because your movement input is relative to that camera angle, get ready for some pain in your ass. At one point, you have quickly run around a corner and push a statue into a slot. During this, the camera angle changes five ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ times. Normally it's fine, but time was of the essence here. But Chris would dart off to the left because the camera changed, and I'd have to try again.

0 #3: Challenging and ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ annoying are two fundamentally different things. There is nothing worse than running out of inventory space because you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ go back. Then it's, "I guess I can leave the spare ammo...", watch the door open again, run up the stairs, WATCH THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DOOR OPEN, run down the same hallway, kms watching the door open again, and now I can finally move on with the plot but UN♥♥♥♥INGBELIEVABLE, IT'S SOMETHING ELSE I NEED. This 5 minute ♥♥♥♥ happened more times than I could tolerate. But one side of the mansion to the other doing this? #2 and #3 easily account for 5+ hours of my play time. I've listed them as neutral because this is the nature of the game. Accept it, or don't play.

CONS

- #4: I thought I was doing something wrong at #3 because I couldn't get the statue into the slot. After losing count of my tries, I caved and looked it up. Turns out I was right, but just a FRACTION off, simply not good enough for the game. When I looked it up, the entire plot was spoiled for me. I shouldn't have to think my game is glitched/broken.

- #5: I didn't realize that playing as Jill is considered easier by most Resident Evil players than playing as Chris because she has 2 more inventory slots. To be fair, there are other differences, but the other half of this game's challenge shouldn't be it not telling you core aspects of gameplay. You figure that ♥♥♥♥ out on the first screen.

TL;DR/CONCLUSION

RESIDENT EVUUULLL

9/10, would kms opening doors again.

I completed The Final Season (TFS) a couple of days ago, and had plenty of opportunities to write this review. No one ever wants to go to a funeral; I wasn't ready yet. But I am now. I'm Done Running.

Who could have guessed last Summer that Telltale would collapse before the end of the New Year? I was completely shocked. For those of you who weren't there, you cannot imagine what an absolute disaster it was. More than anything, we were all terrified that TFS, barely half-completed, may never be finished; a very genuine concern at the time.

Luckily, that wasn't the case. Robert Kirkman (the creator of The Walking Dead) decided to Suffer The Children and used his company Skybound, who had produced the previous seasons and was seeking to create a video game division, to hire as many Telltale employees as possible, namely the "Still Not Bitten" team. Together, they reduced the episode count to four and busted their asses to complete the last 1 & 1/2 episodes.

This is what we got; twenty total episode of Telltale's TWD. TFS was supposed to be Telltale's baby, a platform from which to launch the new era of their games. Now it stands only as a grave marker. And it reads, "Here Lies Telltale's Hopes and Dreams".

PROS

+ In general, Telltale and Skybound resolved almost every single shortcoming of the previous seasons and perfected what made them great. Besides the ones I mention below, these include walker models and sound effects, among others. You can tell that they really listened to the feedback from their fan base and you can see proof of that in my A New Frontier (ANF) review where Telltale's Steam Customer Support actually responded with a comment, as they did to others.

+ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ the visuals are sensational, and accompanied by an equally amazing soundtrack. In my review of ANF, I mentioned that they had finally nailed the graphics style they had sought to perfect since the first season. Boy, was I wrong. They weren't even close. TFS blows ANF totally out of the water. I mean... shirt pockets flap in the wind, you can actually see out of windows, and grass subtly waves in the breeze. And you can hear the subtle sound of fabric slapping fabric while being serenaded by an original score, dank songs recycled from previous seasons, and, most importantly, TWD's anthem. You know, this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRfbBe93SiY

♥♥♥♥ yeah. Also, the game finally gets a dedicated introduction, like we see in other Telltale installments. I was just thinking how desperately TWD needed one. I mean, how cool would it have been to hear the show's theme song set to a Telltale credits intro? Alas, we are only now given one, but it is well-executed all the same.

+ The cast of characters was thoroughly refreshing, especially after the O.K. Season Two (S2) and the disaster of ANF. There are enough for you to handle without feeling overwhelmed, they all have dynamic relations with everyone else, and they hall have fantastic development. Most importantly, AJ is an extraordinary and unique character who is handled fantastically. He's just the coolest.

+ Quick time events are the minority here, replaced by sick fight sequences requiring some input of thought. Clem can use a bow to shoot at enemies or tactically fight walkers in an arena. All-but gone is the mindless "E-E-E" "Q-Q-Q-Q" ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ that you can't fail. In TFS, if you let walkers crowd you or let one sneak up behind you, you're ♥♥♥♥♥♥.

+ In my review of previous seasons, I questioned the truthfulness of Telltale's claim that "choices matter", as we all have. I found myself asking that question less so here. While I've only played through TFS once, it makes sense, given that this is, you know, the final season; they don't need to worry about an unmanageable amount of plot branches in a sequel. Don't get me wrong, the plot is never fundamentally altered. So, at the very least, this game gives the illusion of weight to the consequences of choices better than previous seasons.

+ Listen, don't read this spoiler. The dream conversation with Lee in episode three was ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ sensational. Seeing little Clementine and Lee in TFS graphics was raw art. "Goodbye, Clementine" made me cry like a little ♥♥♥♥♥. And it was half-way through episode three... that was probably the last thing that Telltale made before the collapse. So thank you for that, Telltale. Thank you for making me cry like a little ♥♥♥♥♥ again. One last time.

+ A major question (that you probably forgot you were even asking about a long time ago) is answered: "What happened to Lilly? I was very pleased with how they handled this from start to finish. It's realistic, it's heavy, and it draws on the past just right.

NEUTRALS

0 Unfortunately, the game feels a little unfinished. Only natural, of course. Indeed, the first 2 & 1/2 episodes are amazing, but you can tell at exactly what point Telltale died and Skybound was forced to carry around their corpse. Ambitions developed in the first two episodes just aren't fully realised by the end. Not to say this detracts from the game. It just makes you disappointed that things went down the way they did.

0 O.K., one major question is answered, but other major questions are not. Some don't need an answer, which is why I listed this here. The questions are: "What happened to Christa?", "What ever became of Carver's people?", and, the most important one...

CONS

- ..."WHERE THE ♥♥♥♥ IS JAVIER GARCIA???" It is the ultimate killing blow to the absolute embarrassment that was ANF. And this one you can read because, seriously, what the ♥♥♥♥? I grappled with whether I should list this as a neutral or a con. Just let me explain. In my review, I recommended ANF only on the basis of continuity to complete the series and to give Telltale the benefit of the doubt. But other than the development of Clementine as a character and the flashbacks to her early days with baby AJ, THE ENTIRETY OF THE THIRD SEASON IS RENDERED COMPLETELY POINTLESS. Yeah, in the last episode Clementine mentions that she can't return to Richmond for reasons, but that just felt like a pathetic excuse, and that line was 100% forced and the worst dialogue of the game. I mean... what were they thinking? Javier and Richmond could have played a real role in this game given the circumstances of the plot. I get that they botched ANF and wanted to distance themselves from mistakes made, but they all-but acted like it never happened lol. Maybe they planned to and just... ran out of time. What a shame.

- Yo, what happened to minimal overlay? I appreciate the new mechanic of informing you which actions have real consequences so that you don't accidentally miss-out on bits of the game. But the whole "Expendable Character #26 Will Remember That" detracts from the otherwise gritty seriousness of the game, which is why I've always turned it off. Maybe I'm just missing it, but if that's the case then they hid it away in the options somewhere, which is still a con.

TL;DR/CONCLUSION

So... here we are. At the end. Standing above Telltale's grave. Its Broken Toys of hopeful sequels and project dreams lay before us. A sad day. But The Final Season will be a worthy legacy to Telltale. In the end, I got the feeling that Skybound might take up the reins so that those hopes and dreams are carried into the future with the remnants of Telltale as a guide. But until then, we can only reminisce of better days. This is all we have to Take Us Back.

Here, indeed, lies Telltale's hopes and dreams.

9/10, would let AJ taste the salt lick again.