He slices, he dices, he defeats the bad guys and gets the women. Most importantly TURTLE HARDBODY does not give one single ♥♥♥♥ while saving the world.

"I'm not sure I will ever sleep again" - Stephen King

"There were more explosions than I ever thought possible" - Michael Bay

"Grittier than Pulp Fiction combined with Inglourious Basterds will ever be" - Quentin Tarantino

"Frothier than I could ever hope to be" - Rick Santorum

"I wish I was alive so I could watch this movie" - Abraham Lincoln

"Makes Machete look like My Little Pony" - Robert Rodriguez

"A+++, would watch again, 12 stars, and our scale only goes to 5! The only movie you will ever need" - Ebert and Roper

"Turtle Hardbody does for movies what the bible did for christianity, an epic for all time" - Rick Perry