When I’m drunk I like to peer into the mirror for hours at a time. And it’s always the same, this cute mf stares back at me and I feel like the don, none of that stupid cartel garbage. Im dat one Ni**a. Himmy turner, himmy neutron, everything fuɔking screams himothy, confidence unmatched.
Then I sober up and I’m back to being ugly, i no longer want my coworker. I have this mf that if he shows me a fuɔking a mm of disrespect, I’m dropping him, he finna need dentures ever talk about me with that tone.

The girl I like, broke up with her man. And is now talking to a guy that already has kids. I just wish I leap into that intersection now. I just wish I wasn’t lonely. I wish to stop praying to god for the power to crush my chest with my knees. I need someone to love, and trust. But dreams don’t come true. In 4 days imma preserve my liver, and wake up with an IV. I might end up k— this year.

I should’ve jumped off that bridge over the intersection. Splat my corpse.

I wish I still had access to a plethora of uppers and downers, I’d just love to choke em down with gin. Have them bubble my in my guts until my guts burst.

Theres this young woman who like just started working with me, im obsessed. ive been trying to listen to everything she says, i feel warm, just like listening, and i hang on every fuɔking word. Her moms not really in the picture, she stays with her dad and her brother, and her son, she briefly and awkwardly mentioned that. I wanna know more, i just dont wanna pry and theres like competition like some guy thats liked her since the 6th grade or whatever but its complicated. I think she wants to talk with me some more, i 100% wanna be there. shes obviously with some guy thats less mature than me, shes a mom, she needs a man, i could be that man.
thats were my mind sets.
Everyone doubts me in wanting to be a father, a protector, a fuɔking guardian.
I will literally drop games, drop the alcohol, get committed to getting a fuɔking car, and start the life i always yearned for, the "impossible" dream, My American Dream.

I live in a world where everyone you pass is just another cynical bastard, and you have to learn to tolerate them. Every day is torture, like everyone's been replaced by a soulless robot. Zero compassion, zero integrity, just consumed by what the world holds for them, bunch a greedy ɔunts. Like noone holds each other accountable, they decide to act all "respectful", so they mind their own business, and it's just so fuɔking weak, noone lives like they actually care.
I try to grow, I try, I make a lot of good decisions, and sadly a lot of bad decisions. I try to question people's motives to see if they have any actual ground to stand on. To check them, to make them fuɔking think before they spew out any more of that ignorant ƨhit. But I'm rude and I guess intimidating, I had my own mother tell me she wouldn't be surprised if I'd kill anybody, or if I could be held responsible for any missing persons' case. which is really gutting.
(1/2)