There was absolutely nothing special about Josh. Just a 26-year-old graphic designer from Ohio who liked sneakers, oat milk lattes, and doomscrolling through Instagram at 2AM. But everything changed the day he accidentally commented “ur the most beautiful human to ever exist on planet Earth 🔥🔥🔥” on Kylie Jenner’s selfie… and she replied.

“Thanks 😊 that’s so sweet,” she wrote. With a heart emoji. A heart emoji. Josh stared at his screen in disbelief, heart pounding like a drum solo in an early-2000s pop punk song. He didn’t sleep for two nights.

Fast-forward two weeks, three DMs, and one Zoom call later — Josh found himself on a private jet to Calabasas, nervously munching on complimentary macaroons and questioning every choice that had led him here.

When he saw her in person for the first time, time slowed down. She stood there in her driveway, glowing like a thousand sunrises wrapped in Fenty highlighter (even though that’s Rihanna’s brand — Kylie made it better, obviously). Her hair was perfect. Her skin? Ethereal. She smelled like vanilla, luxury, and the tears of angels.

“Hi,” she said with the kind of smile that could fix broken economies. “You’re even cuter than your profile pic.”

Josh nearly fainted. Instead, he squeaked out a “Thanks,” and prayed his palms would stop sweating before she noticed.

The Dating Phase (aka Heaven on Earth)

Their first date was at her mansion. Private chef. String quartet. Candlelight. Josh spilled his sparkling water all over the $20,000 couch, but Kylie just laughed. “You’re real,” she said. “I like that.”

From then on, it was magical. She took him to Paris in her jet just to get croissants. He introduced her to his mom on FaceTime, and she cried. Cried. “My son is dating Kylie freakin’ Jenner???”

Every moment was a dream. When they kissed for the first time — under the twinkle lights of her garden, surrounded by hummingbirds (which Josh was convinced she summoned telepathically) — it felt like fireworks exploded in his soul. She whispered, “I’ve never felt this way before,” and he melted into the grass.

The Proposal (Prepare Yourself)

Josh proposed at a butterfly sanctuary in Hawaii. She wore a flowing lavender dress that somehow made the entire island look dull by comparison. As he got down on one knee, he fumbled with the ring box and accidentally dropped it in a koi pond.

“Oh my God,” he panicked.

But Kylie just giggled — giggled like the sound of angels playing harps. “This is so us,” she said.

When he finally got the ring on her finger, she cried and said, “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!” and they kissed as confetti literally exploded from a nearby palm tree (Kylie had it rigged “just in case”).

The Wedding (A National Holiday)

They got married at a castle in Italy. The Kardashians cried. Travis Scott nodded in approval. The entire world tuned in. Beyoncé sent flowers. Elon Musk offered to launch their vows into space.

As Kylie walked down the aisle, Josh’s knees gave out. “She’s perfect,” he whispered. “Like, literally flawless. A goddess. My goddess.”

Their vows were painfully sweet:

Josh: “You’re my lip kit, my billionaire bae, my Calabasas queen. I promise to love you harder than your contour and cherish you longer than your last 72-hour story highlight.”

Kylie: “You’re my heart, my soulmate, the only man who made me laugh so hard I snorted green juice. I promise to love you even when your beard gets patchy and you forget to take the trash out.”

They kissed. The sky turned pink. Doves wept.

Happily Ever After

They built a life together. A mansion with a heart-shaped pool. Two golden retrievers named Blush and Highlighter. Three kids with names so unique they made “Stormi” seem basic. Josh started a YouTube channel called Kylie’s Husband. She promoted it daily.

He would look at her every morning and think: “How did I get so lucky?” And she would say, “Stop staring at me like that,” and he’d reply, “Sorry, I just can’t believe I married the most perfect woman alive.”

She never aged. She only got more radiant. They posted cringe couple TikToks. Wore matching outfits. Threw the most over-the-top birthday parties imaginable.

And every night, as they lay in bed under 5,000-thread-count sheets, Josh would whisper, “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

And Kylie would smile, kiss his forehead, and say, “I know.”