Recent reviews by Garfussy Exclusive Gynecologist

do NOT play Content Warning after 3:00 P.M Central Time after eating 20 mgs of edibles (i'm a twink :/)

Purple Guy drink

8/10 (for reasons i'll go into towards the end of the review.)
Cult of the Lamb (COTL) delivers a specific experience that I personally have wanted out of a game ever since I stopped playing Fallout 4 for mental health reasons (would spend more time fixing it then playing it.)

"Settlement" building, not city building.
COTL is one of the few games that lets the player create and manage a settlement/town/city/cult as a character not as a camera. I thoroughly enjoy this, as I prefer to feel immersed as a character in a game world, as compared to seeing the world through a flying and no-clipping camera. To be able to not only walk around the cult I built, but to also interact with its followers in more ways then just greeting them or telling them to work like other games, feels really good.

A sandbox game... with a STORY??? AND COMPELLING CHARACTER DESIGN!? WHAT THE SCALLOP?
Sure this isn't exclusive to COTL but I've recently found it frustrating that nearly every mainstream or popular sandbox never has a real STORY or characters. Don't get me wrong developing a sandbox AND writing interesting characters and story is asking a lot from a developer, its just really nice to see a game do that. Sozo and Plimbo my beloved. (♥♥♥♥ Dr. S.).
Cults, rituals, and nature galore!
I love the art style and theme of the game. Simple.

1. Add modding, PLEASE I beg of you. That would make my day. Year even.
   
2. Add more cannibalism, a single star meal, a special old people meal, and a NEGATIVE ritual??? Why have cannibalistic followers that get uncomfortable with eating people alive!?
   
3. Add the ability to disable parts of the UI, I found it really annoying when I had six farms and all I saw in my cult were "water me" symbols/notifiers on my crops.
   
4. Change the Sozo follower's voice lines, they are VERY annoying when pitched as high as they are. (I'd rather have a cracked up Sozo then Dr. S. btw. Lore's cool, but Sozo is cooler.)
   
5. (nitpick) Make Sozo's follower form face have Sozo's face. I get the generic follower face thing, but if Webber can have his mouth, why can't sozo have his cute squinty eyes and mouth?

I really hope the developers see this. I would love to see this game get modding support, if not then I hope if they make a sequel, they consider that.

Very poor visual feedback (smooth and round at all times, that's it), noises unsatisfying, fails at the intended power fantasy and at one point I softlocked myself by getting my balls shut in an automatic door, trapping me in place. Ouch. Would not recommend, especially at this price. I would say 'check back in the future' but they can't even bother to make the walk animation work instead of sliding across the ground when you turn around.

Okay so cyberpunk has ♥♥♥♥♥♥ me over once more. One moment I love it the next it ♥♥♥♥♥ me.

1. They have a character... That likes pierogies... that's romanceable.
   
2. They have ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ confirmed PIEROGIES are CANON in their ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ universe. 

But guess what?


YOU CANNOT GET ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ PIEROGIES
IN THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ GAME.


AND!


I CAN'T ROMANCE THE ONE CHARACTER THAT LIKES PIEROGIES IN THE GAME.
BECAUSE MY V HAS BOOBS.
BUT THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ CHARACTER'S ENTIRE PLOT CLEARLY ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ IMPLIES AT MULTIPLE TIMES THAT THEY COULD ROMANCE.
I GOT BLUE BALLED... TWICE.


Blue ball me shame on you, tease me with pierogies i'll ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ kill you.


An apology is not enough CD Projekt RED, I need action. Please fix these transgressions by doing the following:

1. Add pierogies, potato pierogies dumplings do not count.
   
2. Add a pierogie date with the aforementioned character.
   
3. This I'm indifferent towards but would still appreciate, make the aforementioned character romanceable by any V.

If this is accomplished, I will make my review positive. How am I expected to be immersed by a world which claims to have pierogies and pierogie loving singles in my area, and then get stabbed in the back by the hollow promise of pierogies?

Fantastic, euphoric, stocks, fishing, and cannibalism. Everything I need in a game.

finally, hl2 episode 3
10/10

Get this instead of Postal III...This is the real Postal III you would want!

It is the worst decision I have made in my entire life. Every second I spend with the living piece of crap that is fallout 4 I want to die. It is like a dying puppy that when you look at it you see the beauty in its eyes or atleast you remember the good times you use to have. When now it is a whiney sad sack of meat waiting to ♥♥♥♥ing die every ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ second... However you still crave that fun, that "Bliss" you once had so you cram more and more crap into it trying to fix it when its already dead or broken beyond repair. I would literally rather sell my soul to the ♥♥♥♥ing devil himself than to of buyed this ♥♥♥♥ing game. BUT AT THE SAME TIME part of me would also sell my soul to the devil to be able to play the game without a single ♥♥♥♥ing problem. This game has also♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥me off and taken all my heart to the point that I haven't even played Fallout New Vegas at all practically. Because I just ♥♥♥♥ing know that I will try to mod the everliving ♥♥♥♥ out of it until it breaks. So overall I would rather go to hell to hang out with demons, sell my soul, and ♥♥♥♥ing die than play the godforsaken, pitiful, dead puke that is Fallout 4.

I took this out of a message i sent to a friend when they asked me how i "like it" so far