AKA "Davo", "Boomer", "Buddy"

I have been shot 15(fifteen) times in both legs {that is to say; 30(thirty) times in total} and am currently trapped inside a clown car that I obtained via motor vehicle theft between five and six years ago. I notified the authorities and they stated, and I quote: "oh so you were shot 15 times in both legs? we'll be there in a quibi!" yet they have not yet arrived despite receiving the initial call for relief well over 365(three hundred and sixty-five) days ago. I am starting to consider relying on the compassionate and dutiful steam community to arrive to assist me, hence this message.