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There's so many things we could be doing to impress Jodi Foster right now.

I've noticed that there don't seem to be any porno movies
that are made for guys like me.

All the porn I've come across
was targeted at beer-swilling sports bar dwelling alpha-males
Men who like their women stupid and submissive
Men who can only get it up for monosyllabic ♥♥♥♥-hungry nymphos
with gargantuan breasts and a three-word vocabulary

Adult films are populated with these collagen-injected
liposuctioned women
Many of whom have resorted to surgery and self-mutilation
in an attempt to look the way they have been told to look.

These aren't real women. They're objects.
And these movies aren't erotic. They're pathetic.
These vacuum-headed ♥♥♥♥ bunnies don't turn me on.
They disgust me.
And it's not that I'm against pornography.
I mean, I'm a guy. And guys need porn.
Fact.
"Like a preacher needs pain, like a needle needs a vein,"
Guys need porn.

Hoezo heb je maar 4577 games?

enormous fat guy wearing a newsboy cap and open carrying (handgun was holstered to the chest pocket of his denim jacket somehow?) gave me my doordash order while confidently asking a girl in my apartment lobby if she was interested in trying polyamory. every single thing in my order was wrong

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It's COOL to be gay!
Post this on the wall of a homosexual friend and tell them how COOL they are!

Daddy Trump is CUMvincted on ALL Charges 😱 UH OH 🫣 the loooong 😏 💪 arm 💪 of the law 🇺🇸👩🏻‍⚖️ has swung 🍒 low 🍒 to give Daddy 🤠 Trump a good 👏 SLAP 💥😜 The 🏙️ Manhattan 🍆 DICKstrict 🍆 Attorney's 😯 criminal 🔎 invesTITgation 🍈🍈 into Trump's 💦 HUSHdaddy 👉 payments👌 is finished off 🔥 🔥🔥 ☝️🧐 Send this to 🔟 of your 😜💅 SLUTTIEST 💕 seditionists 🤪 and if you get 0️⃣ back ☹️, get ready 😬 to do some 😏🍆 HARD TIME just like TRUMP👎 If you get 5️⃣-🔟 back, you might 🌊 SLIP 🌊 right out 😉 of this 💦 STICKY 💦 situation 👻🤔 If you get 🔟➕ back then 🦅 Daddy Trump 🫡😘 will give you an insERECTION 🍆 you'll ❤️ NEVER ❤️ forget 😍🤯❤️‍🔥

My life is a movie 🎥🍿the world🌎is my stage…it began as a book “The unwanted Page”

'There was a jerk of the tail and a muffled thud, followed closely by a muted curse as the unseen worker bashed his head. Then the tail started moving out, followed by a pair of legs covered in red and dark brown fur, and nothing else. "He's working unclothed?" wondered Goldfur, then immediately realised, "No, the shape of his legs is wrong." Moments later, it was obvious why. "He's a foxtaur! I've never dealt with one before. They don't usually go in for these kind of jobs." Shi looked him over. He was the same size as hir and solidly built. He had luxuriantly long fur with typical red fox markings, only with an unusually intense depth to the colour. The sore head that he was currently rubbing, did not have the common human-type hair, but a large ruff of red fur that was similar. "Oh my, he's a handsome fellow," was hir first opinion. Shi was currently in hir female phase and found hirself very attracted to him.'

hey, sorry I saw your profile and I just thought you looked cute in your picture, I really wanted to tell you that)) It's really rare to see girls playing video games haha! I don't know why its a guy thing honestly im like really against misogyny and like ill be the one in the kitchen making sandwiches. We should really play l4d2 sometime its a really cool zombie game with a lot of scary moments, but don't worry ill be there to protect you ;) sorry that wasnt flirting I swear Im just trying to be friendly I really like your profile picture sorry was that too far? Really sorry i'm really shy I don't go out much haha add me on skype we should talk more you look really nice and fun xxx

I smoked Salvia dozens of times. Most memorable trip was when I became a Grocery store. You wouldn't believe the conversations that mother's and daughters had while shopping inside me. That's what stuck with me the most.

I have some words of advice regarding how to make community maps and such. Seriously, maybe try making the map at least somewhat tolerable. The doo doo that I just played consisted of nothing along the lines of fun and it's making me skeptical if your goal was to ruin people's days or not. Every corner felt like a booty pounding waiting to happen and every time i felt a sliver of happiness while playing this map, it was quickly replaced with anger and frustration. Maybe try play-testing the map with friends beforehand to make sure it isn't completely poop

Last night the wife pulled out two smokes after sex. I thought one was for me for such a good banging I put out. But no, she lights one for herself and one for her vag. The snatch knew how to ash and everything....instantly rock hard again and ready for round 2

Circumstances have left me with 3lbs of technically edible low-quality ham. So the dogs have been eating like royalty and they're starting to get heads on them

@ДДºDrizzle no it doesn't lmao, that's just one of the possible reasons they wear them there, which you'd know if you read what I linked in the thread.

@iwem.xo no disrespect but since the thread got locked before I had a chance to reply to your comment of the various reasons to wear masks. I by no way just pulled my comment out my Arse.
https://www.ccacoalition.org/en/content/air-pollution-measures-asia-and-pacific This link says it all, and proves that my response is indeed valid.

so you have a 9 to 5 now, probably stop smoking weed, and you think that's super intelligent?
I'd rather have celebrities doing crazy ♥♥♥♥ and actually change the world in unexpected ways somehow, than famous people preaching about identity politics while they are zipping margaritas in their acre sized pools, and regular schmucks living on a dying planet loving it.

I did as a child, but found it to be too simple to be useful in real life: a mere 8 by 8 grid, no fog of war, no technology tree, no random map or spawn position, only 2 players, both sides exact same pieces, etc.

Edge consumes half of the RAM and very high CPU usage when the web version of Office is in use. Typing and deleting text is very laggy and often results in "Out of memory" error. On other websites/daily usage it works perfectly fine. Windows 10 21H2, Edge 106.0.1370.42, 8 GB RAM

Sometimes before I ship an item from a sale on ebay, I'll bust a nut into the styrofoam peanuts before sealing it up and sending it out to my buyer. Seems liek a victimless crime to me. And for some reason stuff like that gets me really hot.

These things are slowly becoming more common wherever you go. I remember you used to have to go to really big cities to find an escape room, axe throwing or kart racing , or any big bars with gourmet beers. Now you can ( in more cases than not) find one of these things within 20 minutes to an hour away with maybe the exception of the bar that has nothing but overly hoppy and overpriced IPA's cause that's "trendy."

TIRED OF YOUR ♥♥♥♥ LIFE?
NO HOPE NO MONEY?
SUFFER NO MORE
MAKE YOUR OWN RULES
EXECUTIVE MINDSET
PSYCHOLOGICAL LIMITS DISABLED
ACQUIRE CONTROL UNLIMITED POWER

You could start by climbing through the ledges and climbing down into the pit, then race into the laser light room. Unleash the power of the special white laser and you could chose to go up into the room of the Mandarin hand, or into the jester's court. Press yourself against the right wall painting, and you might have a chance to enter the dark forest. Reach into the hole and find the key but be careful one of the trees could be inhabited by the spirit of a temple guard. If they grab you, you'll have to give up a pendant of life. Next, plow through the wall and into the mineshaft, there ride the elevator up into the room of the secret password. Find the tablet with the right password and you'll open the door to the shrine of the silver monkey. Assemble the statue and you may be headed for the king's storeroom, smash the pots to find the key which will allow you into the observator, put together the puzzle on the stone coffin, and swing on the room back across the pit. THen, pass thro

( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)

I always knew ass seepage would be worse with age, but this is unreal.

When i wake up in the morning? Ass seepage.

When i go to bed at night? Ass seepage.

Any time i fart, ass seepage.

Even when i dont fart, if a few hours have passed, there's ass seepage.

I'll feel a slight itch in my ass at random times of the day, go in the bathroom to wipe my ass, and the paper looks like the first wipe after a fresh turd. A wet turd.

𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕠𝕟𝕝𝕪 𝕃'𝕤 𝕀 𝕥𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕃𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕃𝕒𝕦𝕘𝕙 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖

Well, it was nice to see and read. I've had like two Boris Johnson flash images in my mind. May be from watching or seeing him on the tele or news regularly. I used to get Obama very often. Trump some times. hahaha, that text was just a good laugh!

@Libertino yeah, it's been there long enough and I got uncomfortable showcasing/making fun of someone's psychotic break with reality.

♥♥♥♥ me, you removed your text. -(

using one of those remote bomb squad detonators to explode an amazon box of socks my neighbor ordered that got delivered to my house on accident

If Kanye has a million fans,I'm one of them
If Kanye has 5 fans, I'm one of them
If Kanye has 1 fan, that one is me
If Kanye has no fans, I'm no longer alive
If the world is against Kanye I'm againist the entire world
Till my last breath, I'll support Kanye

Hello, concerned father here. My son has recently got into the game called Fortnite? I've spent well over $500 on this game and its becoming a problem. Apparently the game is down right now and its causing a lot distress for my child. He keeps taking my newspaper and tries to "full piece" me. I don't know what this means but I'm starting to think its something associated with the devil. He won't come with us anywhere unless we take a "launch pad" to get there. Its starting to get worse by the hour and I don't know how much longer I can take this. His legs, arms, and hands are shaking violently yet he refuses to take any type of medicine unless its a "big pot" or "chuggies." Someone please help me.

lol u mad

WHITE POWER

You left your dildo at my house yesterday

"Gib the weak. Frag the poor. Noscope the elderly. Quickscope the infirm. Fight everyone you see. Break every pot, vase and piece of furniture you see. Karate chop the police. Destroy the minds, hearts and bodies of everyone you meet. Smash priceless family heirlooms. Break windows and fragile objects. Throw people's glasses to the ground and stomp on them. Scatter stacks of paper across the floor. Shout loudly to wake up the weak. Place traps everywhere. Break down people's doors. This is the true path of the samurai." - Miyamoto Musashi, Book of Five Rings

is it me or does minimum wage bussy hit different? the stress of having student loans makes them so tight. i'm bored of my whole foods, globe trotting boyfriend. all that easy living has him way too relaxed if you know what i mean? i'll drive an hour just to see the bossy starbucks barista power bottom so i can hit it in his honda civic. they're the best mistresses, simple creatures. they're happy with just going to chili's and coldstone too. unlike my current LeLabo scented bottom with his stress-free, lasered bootyhole asking me to take him to michelin star restaurants so i can MAYBE get romantic, vanilla butt sex and then gets mad at me for getting the squirties on our egyptian cotton Frette sheets man who cares? i'm just trying to ♥♥♥♥

I absolutely loved watching these two having sex through my computer monitor. However, I can't in good conscience give the video a perfect rating, as you have to admit that pornography is a poor facsimile of the real thing; jerking off while being in the same room as other people and watching them having sex.

4/5

SERIOUSLY based

-rep again, I mean come on what kind of jerk actually dislikes garfield kart

-rep thinks garfield kart isn't a masterpiece

How much trouble could we get in if I gave my cousin information about a stock from where I work? (self.legaladvice)
submitted 10 days ago by possibletroublethrow

I know there are laws against insider trading and I didn’t want to get in trouble for anything. So I gave my cousin the information I knew about my company stock. Now apparently there is an investigation because someone got suspicious and my cousin (with the same uncommon last name as me) has never bought stocks before so it looks weird. He did make some money from it and gave me 2/3 of it.
Location: New York

🥰🥰🥰After 12 years of marriage, me and my husband has been living happily together. I don't really know what happened but he moved to California to be with another woman.ii tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart. i searched for help online and I came across someone testifying how Dr Friday helped get her ex back fast. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 48 hours later, my husband called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than before, All thanks to Dr Friday he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr Friday is real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble

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║╔╗║╬╚╣╬║╬║║║║║║║╩╣║║║╔╩╗║╩╣╬╚╣╔╝
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──────╚╝╚╝╚═╝☯✫✰★✰✫☯2021

Awoo yourself mothercracken 🐾
Stay fresh my little pancake 🦄

Dear 👸 Santa 🎅 give 🎁 me a big 😱 tiddy 😜 goth 🎧 gf 💞👫 or I'm 💘 gonna 🔥 melt 🔥 the entire 🇺🇸 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ 🖕😂 north ⬆ and south 🇿🇦 pole 💈📍 because I 👁 don't 🚫 remember 💭 which one 😤 you 👈 live 🐙 on 🔛. Try 😐 leaving 🍃 with your 👈🏻 sleigh 🎄🎅🏻 and you 👈 are going 🏃 down ⬇🤠 with hydra 🤰 rockets 🚀

I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his ♥♥♥ in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated. He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it. 327. I’ll never forget that number. And every day at school, he would talk about this. It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too. He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but we’d always threaten to move tables so he’d stop. Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude. After class we’d ask him about that stuff and be like “dude, what was with that ♥♥♥ stuff at lunch,” and he’d always look at us like we were crazy and say “what the hell are you talking about?” I’ll never forget that classmate. His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever. He was a one of a kind guy. His name was Norman Reedus.

Zalig profiel man

ı want to ask question about game

When Garfield is asked three times by Jon where the food has gone, and each time admits he has eaten it, it may be a reference to when St. Peter denied three times that he knew Jesus Christ.