I'm a small, carniverous mouse that lives in the desert. But I got tired of that, moved to a colder climate, and now I play games with my little mouse feet. It was tough to start, but now I've got this really cool system of pulleys and levers that gets everything done.

I wrote a letter, asking why nobody makes gaming prehipherals small enough for me, but they just wrote back telling me how funny they thought it was. Apparently, all of my pleading and explaining just resulted in somebody getting a mediocre stand-up set to launch their comedy career.