𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗥𝗬 𝗖𝗛𝗥𝗜𝗦𝗧𝗠𝗔𝗦

𝓗𝓪𝓹𝓹𝔂 𝓗𝓸𝓵𝓲𝓭𝓪𝔂𝓼

The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

👆👀👆👀👆👀👆👀👆👀 waaay up tHere 👆 moRTY ✔ im gonna need 👆 🌱 u to put these seeds 🌱👆🌱waaaay 👆up inside🌱🌱 ur✔butthOle✔✔🍑mo-EURGH-rty 🌱👆👆👆wa𝖺𝖠AY up there 👆 morty 🌱 way up 👆 into your butthole (chorus: ᵇᵘᵗᵗʰᵒˡᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ🍑 O0ОଠＯଠOooᵒᵒᵒᵒRR𝖱ᵣᵣTTY𝖸𝖸YY 👆🌱👆 🍑 👀👀 👀 👆 👆✔ waaay up there

gf is prego

we like to get kinky anyways

one night things get particularly saucy

i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights

wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period

i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering

ohshitohshitohshitohshit

i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital

she's still bleeding everywhere

by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent

oh ♥♥♥♥, she looks like she's in a vegetative state

storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything

he takes one look at ther and says

"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do"

"WHY THE ♥♥♥♥ NOT???"

"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"

The waiter says "Say When", grating the parmesan cheese over my pizza. Foolish mistake. Anyone should know that there is no "when". As parmesan fills the restaurant, the pizza only gets better. After only an hour, the restaurants interior its completely filled with parmesan, killing twenty. But the resuraunt is only the beginning. Next the USA will be taken by parmesan, a force stronger than anyone could have anticipated. After that comes the world. Consider this a warning, to get to a foreign planet immediately. At least that will provide temporary safety, until the parmesan rises to mars. At that point, there will be enough cheese on my pizza, and I will be ready to eat.