I woke up this morning
With a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again

This happens all the time
It's detachable

This comes in handy a lot of the time
I can leave it home
When I think it's going to get me in trouble
Or I can rent it out
When I don't need it

But now and then I go to a party
Get drunk
And the next morning I can't for the life of me
Remember what I did with it.

First I looked around my apartment
And I couldn't find it
So I called up the place where the party was
They hadn't seen it either

I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
Because for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time
So I told them if it pops up to let me know

I called some other people from the party
But they were no help either

After a few hours of searching the house
And calling everyone I could think of
I was starting to get very depressed
So I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast

Then as I walked down Second Avenue
Towards St. Mark's place
Where all those people sell used books
And other junk on the street
I saw my penis lying on a blanket
Next to a broken toaster oven
Some guy was selling it

I had to buy it off him
He wanted 22 bucks
But I talked him down to 17

I took it home, washed it off
And put it back on
I was happy again
Complete

People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached
But, I don't know
Even though it's sometimes a pain in the ass
I like having a detachable penis