"I'm the madman in the bar without a bar, I'm just mad, leave me alone."

"Give me fish or give me liberty, if you give me neither i'm taking over the government"

"Using your radio to summon the hoes. They will screech, and they will claw"

"Oh my god, you have eyeballs!"

"There's a flying fish in the air" (meant to say "There's a flying bird in the water")

"California girls, booty shorts, glitter, something about sugar up my ass"

(in German accent) "Cream my hole like Nazi Germany ♥♥♥♥♥♥ Poland"

*having a seizure near a tree*
"All in five swoops, just as the gods intended."

"Stalin was just mad because he was called fat at a McDonald's drive-thru"

"I have to go unboil my children"

"I'd ♥♥♥♥ my feet"

"Presteeg Swidish Endgeraneering"

Me: "Would you like to receive ♥♥♥?"
Friend: "What?"
Me: "For only 5 cents, you can jizzle my balls for some cummies."
Friend: "Oddly low priced, what's the catch?"
Me: "...I have rectal infections."

"Oh!"
[Long pause]
"Did I just reverse piss?"

[Yelling]
"STUFFY BUNNY BUT WITH YOUR ASS"

“Ketchup is basically monkey”

"Mom didn't like me going upstairs so she stabbed Dad in the ass and made me drink the hemorrhoid juice until I chuckled and died"

"that's it aaron. I'm stealing your fiber. "

"Beans are the unborn fetuses that we aborted."

"I'm being rained on by ♥♥♥ demons."

Aaron: "What is this weeb ♥♥♥♥?"
Me: *glass breaking noises*

So basically, I'm insane.