This game changed my life. The moment I first opened the game, MULTIPLE women and men broke into my house and took me, my wife of 6 years and our 2 year old son hostage and threw us into a 2006 white ford transit van with no insurance. After an hour of driving, the police stopped the vehicle (a 2006 white ford transit van with no insurance) as the vehicle (a 2006 white ford transit van with no insurance) had no insurance. They started searching the vehicle (a 2006 white ford transit van with no insurance) and found me, my wife and my son in the back. They were instantly shot in the head by the drivers of the vehicle (a 2006 white ford transit van with no insurance). Please keep in mind that all kidnappers had balaclavas on. This will be important later on, so please remember that.

After 36 minutes and 12 seconds, the kidnappers turned on the radio and Coldplay started playing. They shot themselves in the head 3 seconds later. The vehicle (a 2006 white ford transit van with no insurance) went off the mountain road we were on, and fell exactly 6,923 feet (2110.13 metres). My son ♥♥♥♥ himself to death and died.

Did you remember the part that i told you to remember? Good for you :)

Now me and my wife (who now has 2 hours to live because of a terminal illness she got from our dead son's ♥♥♥♥) had to quickly exit the vehicle (a white 2006 ford transit van with no insurance) because it was falling into the ocean and was already deep in the water. We were almost out, but then I kicked my wife in the face, knocking her out. Now, my motivation for this is very conplicated and will need its own paragraph to explain.

This is the paragraph where i explain why i kicked my wife in the face. Back in 1956, my great-grandfather murdered a man named Frankie "Smelly" Smullen after he stole 16 shillings from him at the pork markets. I idolise that man and i wanted to be like him. So I went to South Hampton and found a man named Frank Small, and murdered him. However, when i went to my home in Kent, I found my wife was sleeping with the ancestor of Frankie Smullen, Freddie Smullen. That was the day I became an alcoholic. Now, don't get it twisted, I did not kill my wife because she cheated on me. I killed my wife because, at my AA meetings I was forced to go to after my DUI conviction, I found a women who was vastly superior than my wife so the night before I was "kidnapped", I forced my wife to get life insurance. Then, without her knowing, I requested a quality kidnapping to occur on the night of our anniversery. However, I accidently booked the wrong day, the day after the life insurance was took out. However, this was not an accident. But that's a story for another day.

I took my wife's corpse to the insurance company, and they gave me a crisp £70.

Now, I'm sure you want to know why I did all this. Why I ordered a kidnapping. Why I had the kidnappers shoot themselves when they heard coldplay. Why I gave my son a terminal illness to give to my wife. Why I killed my wife. Well, I'll tell you why.

You see, when I purchased this game, I looked at the DLC, and saw the nudity DLC. The problem is 4 years ago, I cut my moniter in half (somehow it still works) so the price was not visible to me. Therefore, I wanted a small fortune just incase it costs a large amount. However, after getting home from the insurance place, I realised the nudity DLC was on 79p. Lucky for me, my son had 79p lying next to his table, so i stole it and spent the insurance money on pot noodles and porn.

Overall, great game but quite a few bugs. 7/10.