You see lads, by only jacking my ♥♥♥♥ to Hentai I’ve transcended the human capacity to become aroused to visual stimuli.
The very utterance of the Japanese language is enough to make me diamonds, and things as mundane as an exceptionally curvy line for pre to force its way through the fabric of my jeans.
During the day I’m a normal looking guy, but the moment I get home I dump all my notebook paper on my bed, douse myself in paint, and throw myself on the fallen leaflets pretending to be a 2D boy.
My mom leaves me dinner, but 3D food disgusts me, so instead I take pictures of the food, print them out, and eat the paper.
“Itadeckymass” I grumble through tears as the rough laminated paper lacerates my esophagus.
My waifu is a cardboard cutout of Megumin, but last week we broke up after I told her that cardboard is actually 3D.
I’m heartsick, but I’m true to who I am.
I’ve been fapping the entire time you’ve been reading this actually, and the fact that you just visualized this means that I’m jacking off in your head.

I’ve truly transcended.