Age : 2
Sex : No
Orientation : North by north-west
Sexual preference : Docile
Race : With a car, but sometimes on foot
Superpower : Can hear dog whistles
Career : Professionally homeless
Region : Elsewhere
Phobia : Personal sentience
Timezone : Zeta Reticulan Time
Religion : Scientology denier
Unit of Measurement : Fruit by the foot
Diet : Plastic only

Organ receiver
Wanted felon
Vehicular manslaughter top 10 leaderboard
Served in gamer gate (never forget)
Dust connoisseur
Book burner
Volunteer at soup kitchens
Deer tick activist
Carrier of the disease
Take from the poor and give to the rich
Door-to-door bean salesman
Volunteer firefighter
Volunteer police officer
Volunteer paramedic
Burger King protester
Part-time JPEG NextBot
Skeleton enthusiast
Pickle jar breaker
Two puzzle piece jigsaw puzzle fastest speed two-time galactic champion
185 decibel and 1,2000 kilonewton slap
Known address leaker
Philadelphia survivor
Velma (2023) binge watcher
Rural mid-western United States religious crusader
KONY 2012 number one supporter (by invested currency)
Horticulture based defense strategy for home protection
Robotnik sympathizer
Able to make a grilled cheese
Universally accepted slowest reaction time of any living being
Mold owner
Designer of the Squidward crushing machine
PTSD replaced with nostalgia
Dropped in dirt
Geneva Convention reviewer

Felonies :
Cutting in line at charity
Defecating the bed
Tax evasion
Scaring children
Racketeering
Vandalisim
Wanton philanthropy
Being too loud in a library
Blackmail
Busted tail light
Community service without just cause
Stealing candy from a baby
Public display of bad opinions
Use of aimbot in the theatre of war
OSHA violation
Destruction of extraterrestrial property
Homunculus creation
Jaywalking
Evading the death sentence
Arson (soup kitchen)
Impersonating first responders
Playing a piano with two glocks
Political commentary on Twitter
Development of weapons of mass construction (WMCs)
Pickle warehouse industrial sabotage
Margaret Thatcher resurrection
Shark touching (explicit)
Escaping afterlife
Party pooping (13 fatalities)
CAPTCHA failure
Giving grandpa the car keys
Eradication of earthworms
Passing a kidney stone unprovoked
Investment into cryptocurrency
Screaming in public bathroom
Entering car wash with no car
Creation and release of the fried one
Escaping stasis
Getting an F on midterm exam
Santa denying
Mustard (condiment) chemical warfare

Allergies :
Women
5G cellular telecommunications networks
Peanuts
Personal advancement
Losing
Bullets
Microwaves
Randy Pitchford
VRchat users
Men
Vitamin D
Glue
Video game journalism
Lead
Klurfs
Lights (Finals)
Crinkle fries
Breakcore
British (People, culture, region)
Clean air
Bad opinions
Large gatherings
Medium gatherings
Small gatherings
Transportation under 100 MPH
Words longer than 5 syllables
Flying dinner plates
Kindness
Kayne West cat hybrid
Fish (alive)
Nickelodeon slime
Dr. Breen's Private Reserve
Balloons
Resting
Uncooked hot dogs
Zeds under the effect of a Hemogoblin
Frame perfect dodges (IRL)
Floating food items
XQC
XQC fans
Parched humans
Fae, fairy, and other spirits of yore


National wanted list :
Voxita
banana man
Doctor with Borders (Doc' Borders)
Morgan You

Address :
239 Aftskin Ave.
SCP Operations Sector 7, Old Jersey




I do not banana all the time



If you want to add me for whatever reason, leave a comment as to why and I'll forward it to the respective authorities (FBI, CIA, U.S. Military)