Last Friday I was date raped at the Tik Tok Rizz Party. I was chaperoning and the last thing I remember was being sweet talked by some kid in a blue shirt. I watched the security camera footage and it looks like while I was being sweat talked, some turkish shít put roophalin in my punch. I passed out almost immediately but for some reason they held my head in the punch bowl for about two minutes trying to drown me. They then dragged me behind the bleachers and went to work on me, sexually speaking that is. I have to hand it to these kids they really know how to work the female body. After they had their rounds it looked like they tweeted about it because a line of maybe 30 young men soon gathered and one by one they worked me in like formula 1 tires. I was not awake this entire time. The next morning it was the school principal who has a record of sexual assault who found me. He had his strokes then thankfully did drag me out and drive me to the hospital in his 2003 Plymouth Prowler.

I was violently raped by my younger brother as a child. I just turned 18 and my brother, who was 8 at the time, somehow shoved a melatonin pill (3mg) into my celebratory cigar. Not long after taking my first puff I felt the tired. He told my family he would walk me back to my bedroom and put me to sleep. Instead he walked me back, stuffed me out my window (on the third story) and pushed me out. Thankfully I only suffered a few broken ribes, broken femurs and a fractured spinal cord because I landed in my mothers lilly bushes. He then proceeded to walk outside to where I landed and do unspeakable things to me. I only remember 2 very clear things. One, how sore my anal was and how I couldn't walk straight for 6 months. Two, how there were bloody and pooped on carrots the size of a gatorade bottle next to me when I woke up. I don't often share this story so would apreciate you not relaying this on social media. I am only telling you this here because you're Steam wall is set to private.

Just got my nippiles pierced with my daughter (OUCH haha). My ex-wife who normally hates me said it would look good on me so I got it because if your enemies compliment you then you're doing something right. Anyway, I got in a tussle at Claires because they said it wasn't appropriate for a grown man to get his nipples pierced at a store targeted to children which got me fuming. So mad I pushed the Claires employee "helping me" through the glass pane. She ended up getting her femarel artery cut and nearly bled out. Nevertheless I picked up the the piercing gun (that was covered in blood because she was holding it the ENTIRE time she fell through the glass pane) and shot both my nipples and my daughters before running out of the store and the mall. I'm sure the mall has security cameras so I doubt I'm able to ever go back. Will be posting pictures of mine and my daughers new piercings on my Facebook wall tonight.
-Timbob

lol you think I’m mad? I’m wearing a hublot watch, Armani duster, gucci fingerless gloves, Hermes ankle to gouch chaps and boots combo, Michael kors top hat, Hanes tight fit underwear and a vintage Christian louboutin muscle shirt. I own, manage and operate thre different long John silvers franchises in South Dakota, I live in a contemporary medieval chateau in Port-au-Prince haute (a Caribbean island) that was designed by Steven Seagal and Lou Reed that has an indoor above ground pool AND I drive a custom lifted Plymouth prowler. Not to mention my Battle Spirits trading card collection valued at $30k. BTW I make so much money my wife only has to work part time, yours probably puts in 80 hours a week just to support your my little pony sex rink membership fees. So I hate to break it to you bud, my life is perfect.

I can testify his claims are not claims, but instead, the absolute truth. It was a night that would live with me in infamy... I was the entry fragger. My job is simple but dirty, go in first and take any and all hits. Normally this includes the fecal matter (often loose stool) the higher ups (commanders, etc.) leave right at the entry so you step on it, a cruel joke I suppose. On this particular night we had corn bread, making their stool very loose and liquid. I did my job and cleaned the pile left in front of the door. But when I went deeper into the bathroom I didn't check my footing and slipped on lump of solid shít surrounded by a pool of píss. My entire body was covered head to toe and my support toilet cleaner Brian (call sign Shycroft) was nowhere to be seen... I laid there with a rupture spinal cord for five days until our Toilet Cleaning Rescue squad came in after I didn't report back... I would have taken a bullet for this guy, now, hah I don't think so.

I haven't taken a shít in eleven days. My friends think I'm funny. My doctor thinks I'm going to die. My wife is divorcing me for being "too weird". Me? I don't think they get me, what I do or WHO I AM. The reason I'm holding this in is two fold:
a. It proves to my body that my mind is in control, NOT my body. Just like showering cold, I'm telling myself I can do it.
b. Thursday is Thursday Twink Twerk at Aces Bar and Grill and I'm going to twerk so hard it shoots out onto the floor (I'm going to be baby oiled up and butt áss naked)