Before we begin, I'd just like to say that, overall, I'd rate the good parts of Duke Nukem Forever (In other words, any part of the game that does not involve the plot or boss fights) a solid six out of ten. That's like a C+, which in most school systems is a passing grade. Anyway, now for why I think this is quite possibly the single worst AAA first-person shooter of all time.

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Duke Nukem. It's a name that carries around a fair bit of weight, isn't it? The stoagie chomping, one-liner droping All-American mountain of machismo himself, and his... Let's just say varyingly successful game series. Well, how many people out there could say, in total honesty, that they thought Duke Nukem Forever was an amazing game? No rush, I'll give you a couple seconds. If you said "Not many", you'd be correct.

At its core, much like 2012's Doom 3: BFG Edition (Which I previously reviewed), Duke Nukem Forever is a game that has a good idea, and one that should be impossible to fudge up - A bombastic, balls-to-the-wall thrill ride starring none other than Duke "I Ripped Off Ash Williams" Nukem and a cast of characters mainly thrown together to be either cannon fodder, or exposititory elements. Oh, and the alien invaders, let's not forget them. There's a line, at the very start of the game, that rather ironically tells the entire story of Duke Nukem Forever's development:

"What about the game, Duke? Was it any good?"

Duke: "After twelve fragging years, it should be."

Now, that quip would have been funny - if it were true. See, Duke Nukem Forever started with a good idea, like I mentioned above. It was 1997, and 3D Realms was on a gosh darn roll with Duke Nukem 3D, third child in their Duke Nukem franchise (and the one people think of most when they think Duke Nukem), so they announced Duke Nukem Forever, for a release date that infamously devolved into the phrase, "When it's done."

"Wait, did he just-?" You may ask. "Surely, he put the wrong year." Nope. Development of what would become Duke Nukem Forever started right after 3D's release, and from the start it was meant to be bigger - Better graphics, better gameplay, level interactivity beyond that of even 3D. Then 2001 rolled around, and while a trailer was released, there was nothing to show upon the game's scheduled release date. It wouldn't be until TEN. YEARS. LATER. That Duke Nukem Forever was released, as the dated, yet reasonably polished turd that it was, for PS3, Xbox 360 and finally, PC. For most of its development, Duke Nukem Forever was in a state known as "Development Hell", wherein an ip has a rather protracted development cycle, with Duke Forever being the poster child of the phrase, at least in the gaming world.

In terms of basic plot, you are Duke Nukem, machismo personified and savior of mankind due to some shenanigans that happend "Twelve Years Ago" which resulted in the Los Angeles area being largely destroyed, heavily damaged, or otherwise rendered uninhabitable. Of course, this quick rundown of Duke Nukem 3D largely ignores the two-dimensional shenanigans of Duke Nukum and Duke Nukem 2, so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I guess. After mucking about in your casino called the Ladykiller (I'm assuming Duke's super creative nickname for his dong), you descend into the bowels of the property and have a friendly little chit-chat with the President and General Graves (One of, like, two returning characters from the 2001 build of the game. Actually, I think he's the ONLY returning character), who inform you that the aliens have, indeed, returned but that you are NOT to engage. Duke, being Duke, says "Frack it, I'm taking matters into my own hands."

The combat in Duke Nukem Forever is, surprisingly enough, actually rather decent, once you get used to the inherently slightly-too-high-yet-not-high-enough mouse sensitivity and Duke's movement speed which is somewhere between "Geriatric Ninja" and "Obese Toddler". The weapons feel rather punchy (except for the fists, ironically enough), and they all deal a decent amount of damage, both to Duke and foe. It's rather difficult to play favorites for "Favorite Weapon in Duke Forever", since most of them are what one would expect from a mid-late 90s shooter - The pistol is practically useless, the Shotgun is a beast in close quarters and the Ripper is the game's dedicated assault rifle. New arrival the Railgun tries to add a bit of variety to the mix, but ultimately just doesn't make the gunplay as exciting as one would expect from the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Duke.

Actually, let's side track and as ourselves, "What happened to Duke Nukem after 3D but before Forever?" Well, Duke Nukem had quite the journey from 3D to Forever. First was his console exclusive adventures (Planet of the Babes, Time to Kill, Zero Hour, to name a few) and a return to the second-dimension with 2006's Manhattan Project, it was clear Duke was still alive and kicking, but for how much longer? Duke Nukem Forever was still in semi-active development by this time, with no clear release date set (Again, "When it's done."). Ultimately, Duke Nukem Forever was released in June of 2011, to middling and negative reviews.

So, where is Duke Nukem now? Making a cameo appearance in Bulletstorm, that other FPS with a protagonist who isn't Duke Nukem but may as well be Duke Nukem, albeit voiced by Steve Blum (Not Duke, not actual Duke). Will we see a Duke Nukem threequel? It's hard to say, but with the Michael Bay-helmed motion picture in active development (I'm not even joking here, there's a Duke Nukem -movie-), maybe the future is brigher for our steroid addicted action hero.

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Overall, like mentioned in the header, Duke Nukem Forever's good bits amount to a game which is a solid six out of ten, but because of how spread out they are, between horrid vehicle sections, the strip club sequence and an uninteresting, I'd argue boring campaign, it makes sense to see how one could forget this game.

Before we begin, I'd just like to say that, overall, I'd rate the good parts of Duke Nukem Forever (In other words, any part of the game that does not involve the plot or boss fights) a solid six out of ten. That's like a C+, which in most school systems is a passing grade. Anyway, now for why I think this is quite possibly the single worst AAA first-person shooter of all time. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Duke Nukem. It's a name that carries around a fair bit of weight, isn't it? The stoagie chomping, one-liner droping All-American mountain of machismo himself, and his... Let's just say varyingly successful game series. Well, how many people out there could say, in total honesty, that they thought Duke Nukem Forever was an amazing game? No rush, I'll give you a couple seconds. If you said "Not many", you'd be correct. At its core, much like 2012's Doom 3: BFG Edition (Which I previously reviewed), Duke Nukem Forever is a game that has a good idea, and one that should be impossible to fudge up - A bombastic, balls-to-the-wall thrill ride starring none other than Duke "I Ripped Off Ash Williams" Nukem and a cast of characters mainly thrown together to be either cannon fodder, or exposititory elements. Oh, and the alien invaders, let's not forget them. There's a line, at the very start of the game, that rather ironically tells the entire story of Duke Nukem Forever's development: "What about the game, Duke? Was it any good?" Duke: "After twelve fragging years, it should be." Now, that quip would have been funny - if it were true. See, Duke Nukem Forever started with a good idea, like I mentioned above. It was 1997, and 3D Realms was on a gosh darn roll with Duke Nukem 3D, third child in their Duke Nukem franchise (and the one people think of most when they think Duke Nukem), so they announced Duke Nukem Forever, for a release date that infamously devolved into the phrase, "When it's done." "Wait, did he just-?" You may ask. "Surely, he put the wrong year." Nope. Development of what would become Duke Nukem Forever started right after 3D's release, and from the start it was meant to be bigger - Better graphics, better gameplay, level interactivity beyond that of even 3D. Then 2001 rolled around, and while a trailer was released, there was nothing to show upon the game's scheduled release date. It wouldn't be until TEN. YEARS. LATER. That Duke Nukem Forever was released, as the dated, yet reasonably polished turd that it was, for PS3, Xbox 360 and finally, PC. For most of its development, Duke Nukem Forever was in a state known as "Development Hell", wherein an ip has a rather protracted development cycle, with Duke Forever being the poster child of the phrase, at least in the gaming world. In terms of basic plot, you are Duke Nukem, machismo personified and savior of mankind due to some shenanigans that happend "Twelve Years Ago" which resulted in the Los Angeles area being largely destroyed, heavily damaged, or otherwise rendered uninhabitable. Of course, this quick rundown of Duke Nukem 3D largely ignores the two-dimensional shenanigans of Duke Nukum and Duke Nukem 2, so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I guess. After mucking about in your casino called the Ladykiller (I'm assuming Duke's super creative nickname for his dong), you descend into the bowels of the property and have a friendly little chit-chat with the President and General Graves (One of, like, two returning characters from the 2001 build of the game. Actually, I think he's the ONLY returning character), who inform you that the aliens have, indeed, returned but that you are NOT to engage. Duke, being Duke, says "Frack it, I'm taking matters into my own hands." The combat in Duke Nukem Forever is, surprisingly enough, actually rather decent, once you get used to the inherently slightly-too-high-yet-not-high-enough mouse sensitivity and Duke's movement speed which is somewhere between "Geriatric Ninja" and "Obese Toddler". The weapons feel rather punchy (except for the fists, ironically enough), and they all deal a decent amount of damage, both to Duke and foe. It's rather difficult to play favorites for "Favorite Weapon in Duke Forever", since most of them are what one would expect from a mid-late 90s shooter - The pistol is practically useless, the Shotgun is a beast in close quarters and the Ripper is the game's dedicated assault rifle. New arrival the Railgun tries to add a bit of variety to the mix, but ultimately just doesn't make the gunplay as exciting as one would expect from the God Damn Duke. Actually, let's side track and as ourselves, "What happened to Duke Nukem after 3D but before Forever?" Well, Duke Nukem had quite the journey from 3D to Forever. First was his console exclusive adventures (Planet of the Babes, Time to Kill, Zero Hour, to name a few) and a return to the second-dimension with 2006's Manhattan Project, it was clear Duke was still alive and kicking, but for how much longer? Duke Nukem Forever was still in semi-active development by this time, with no clear release date set (Again, "When it's done."). Ultimately, Duke Nukem Forever was released in June of 2011, to middling and negative reviews. So, where is Duke Nukem now? Making a cameo appearance in Bulletstorm, that other FPS with a protagonist who isn't Duke Nukem but may as well be Duke Nukem, albeit voiced by Steve Blum (Not Duke, not actual Duke). Will we see a Duke Nukem threequel? It's hard to say, but with the Michael Bay-helmed motion picture in active development (I'm not even joking here, there's a Duke Nukem -movie-), maybe the future is brigher for our steroid addicted action hero. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Overall, like mentioned in the header, Duke Nukem Forever's good bits amount to a game which is a solid six out of ten, but because of how spread out they are, between horrid vehicle sections, the strip club sequence and an uninteresting, I'd argue boring campaign, it makes sense to see how one could forget this game.