I know what you're thinking. "You suck but you still call yourself a Smurf?" Yes, yes I do. A Smurf is a small, blue, tree-trunk dwelling man. That is exactly what I am. I'm not sure what that has to do with being bad at gaming though.

You can watch a beautiful documentary, detailing my habitat, on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHFz5z_YYgU

I am 1/2 man, 1/2 bear and 1/2 pig - Al Gore must not know my whereabouts!

I'm currently 4'3" and weigh 549 lbs... but DON'T tell me I'm overweight. I just have really big feet and hands. Even better, I've recently started overdosing on Ozempic to curb my alcoholism.

I get super stoked every time a salty comment is posted to my profile. I go to a corner and cry when a positive comment is posted. Please do the right thing. Make me cry.

Enjoy your day.