133 people found this review helpful
589 people found this review funny
1
Recommended
0.0 hrs last two weeks / 68.3 hrs on record (18.5 hrs at review time)
Posted: 4 Jul, 2016 @ 1:55pm
Updated: 4 Jul, 2016 @ 7:34pm

Early Access Review
Let's talk about Richard Smith.

Richard was in my park for a grand total of 15 minutes and 53 seconds, he bought a hot dog and briefly sat on a bench before he got into line to ride Stratosfear. Richie should have probably waited a little longer after eating that hot dog to go thrillseeking, after exiting the coaster he passed multiple restrooms and trash cans to puke right in the middle of the walkway. These things happen, no big deal, so I sent my janitor over and cleaned up the mess. I notice that the Richmeister has gotten back into the line to ride Stratosphere again, that's a bold move. Ricardo finishes his second go on the coaster and he looks rough, completely hunched over and walking slow, I think to myself "thankfully he already puked". Rico stops right at the same spot my janitor just cleaned up after him and purges all over, takes a second step and regurgitates a third time. I don't know what transpired between Dicky and my janitor before they met up at my park on this day but good lord, this janitor better have at least hooked up Rickster's sister to warrant this kind of treatment. People were walking through the bile piles as my poor janitor tried to clean up the mess, after he finished he took a much needed break and I start looking for Ritchie...he's in line again. He can't. There's no way. Rickon finishes the ride and...pukes a fourth time? I coudn't do it to the same janitor, I grabbed a janitor from another Zone for this. Sir Sprays-A-Lot runs, seriously hauls it to the front of the park and finally leaves, maybe his upset stomach was travelling to the basement instead of the penthouse now and he didn't want to do that in a public restroom. I check on the status of my theme park and get to the tab that tells me recent reviews.

"Completely filthy...Disgusting" - Richard Smith

If I ever see anyone named Richard Smith in my park again, I am going to trap them alone on a secluded 2x1 island with no access to food, drink or restroom.
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12 Comments
trustier76 21 Feb, 2019 @ 3:24pm 
Lol
Jedidiah 1 Dec, 2018 @ 8:31am 
It's so perfect that you have Deadpool's image while narrating this...ordeal (at least, at the time I'm reading this).
Can you imagine Deadpool running a theme park?
This guy would be his new arch-nemesis: Sir Sprays-A-Lot, the bane of theme parks the world over, and its up to you to give him the ride of his life!
KittyClaw 16 Sep, 2018 @ 12:28pm 
That is awesome. I'm laughing so hard.
chasbar 25 Jul, 2017 @ 4:56pm 
This is hilarious. I laughed out loud!
CoasterKamikaze 15 Apr, 2017 @ 7:22am 
This is beautiful.
Duchess Jen 23 Nov, 2016 @ 9:33pm 
I'm buying this game in the hopes that I am graced by Richard Smith's presence in my park.
Philthy Phill 28 Oct, 2016 @ 6:29am 
How to i favourite reviews? Because this is one of my favourite reviews on Steam
Jonastio 2 Aug, 2016 @ 9:34pm 
Youw know you wrote a winner when more people tag your review as funny than tagging it helpful or not.
Mike 25 Jul, 2016 @ 2:36am 
Thank you so much for writting that. Just. Amazing <3
UnemployedFruitFly 17 Jul, 2016 @ 1:32pm 
Lets Also Talk About Julina Melina. After Going On A Ride I Think Was Called Gravitron 3 Times, [Gravitron Was'nt Intense] She Wanted Something More Intense. So, Then She Went To Commander Fern's Adventure And Said "I Want Something More Intense Than Commander Fern's Adventure!" Then Off She Goes To Cup-O-Joe's Special Tea Party And Say's The EXACT Same Thing. Then She Hops Off To Whirlwind And Says That THING AGAIN. Then Finally I Build Darkness And She Wants To Go On It. If I See Anyone Called Julina Melina Again I Am Gonna FLOOD THE WHOLE PARK. Wait? She's Still In? Should I Do It?