My mum (82F) told me (12M) to do the dishes (16) but I (12M) was too busy playing Fortnite (3 kills) so I (12M) grabbed my controller (DualShock 4) and threw it at her (138kph). She ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ died, and I (12M) went to prison (18 years). While in prison I (12M) incited several riots (3) and assumed leadership of a gang responsible for smuggling drugs (cocaine) into the country. I (12M) also ordered the assassination of several celebrities (Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley and Jeffrey Epstein) and planned a terrorist attack (9/11). Reddit, AITA?

Wall Hacks?

Mr Krabs furiously grips his own raging ♥♥♥♥ before violenty jerking off. He climaxes, spraying a mixture of blood and ♥♥♥ all over his office. He falls onto his back foaming at the mouth as he spasms and twitches from the unbearable pleasure. Slowly it fades and is replaced with the awful sting of pain in his testicles similar to that of a hive of angry hornets repeatedly stabbing them. His face does not change. He just lays there with his mouth foaming - a blank, vacant expression on his face as he stares at the ceiling, both eyes a dull, milky white and his pupils like glass marbles. He cannot think. The drugs have completely racked his body and left him unable to form even the simplest of squeaks from his gaping mouth. As his vision blurs and his mind drifts, he sees a vision of God peering from the Heavens, stretching out a gentle and welcoming hand to Eugene. Without a word, he extends his own claw out to meet God’s, and together they float off into the light.

About 20 minutes after expected closing time, Spongebob enters Mr Krab’s office to check on him. His first instinct is to gasp as he sees the room soaked in impossible amounts of a sticky, reddish-white substance smelling of fetid crab meat. Tip-toeing through the room, he peeks around the corner of Krab’s desk and finds him dead on the floor, his bloodied ♥♥♥♥ and balls out and fully deflated as if they had been torn apart by a wild beast. Krabs has a smile on his face, a serene and peaceful grin that spread as Eugene met his lord and savior, a single tear in his eye... and an empty syringe labeled “Ketamine” sitting beside him.

what a guy