You might be a noob in L4D if you...

1. Are in front and never crouch,
2. Use the noob tube (aka 'nade launcher) and are always damaging your teammates from the explosion damage,
3. Are 2 feet away from someone being smokered and waste time trying to aim and hit the smoker instead of just taking 1 step and meleeing,
4. Don't stay with the group - either going Rambo out in front, or taking the Scenic route behind.
5. Mic-spam with too loud and pointless "muzik" so others can't even hear the special infected (boomer, smoker, jockey, charger, etc.) audio cues.
6. Stand in the middle of no-where getting flanked from all directions instead of having your back against a wall or corner.
7. Never communicate with the rest of the team where you spot specials are,
8. Moving into the line of fire in the person in front of you, instead of going AROUND them,
9. Don't know how to crown a witch, and always "accidently" triggering her.