sheeesh my boy

I am Bruce van Cleefe (award-winning author), and I have recently found myself in need of your services.

I cannot stand modern technology and prefer to work on my trusty 1957 Quiet-Typer. Unfortunately, my editor is insisting that i transfer the latest draft of my current novel - the next great novel of this century - into a digital copy for his convenience.

Convenience...How I detest that word. Is there anything more sickening that taking the raw, hard-won, outpourings of a writer - his very heart and soul rendered in ink upon a page - and converting it into a digital document? Reducing it to nothing more than bits and byttes to be shuffled between computers like so many spreadsheets?

Anyways, my current computer is an outdated hulk I purchased several years ago, and it seems it's not able to run the latest professional writing software ('Word') with quite enough vim. Kindly upgrade the machine so that I can continue my useless work. The future of my wallet depends on it.

LOL UR MORE DOWN BAD THEN EDP, YOU CANT RECOVER

PLAYING AMONG US, MORE DOWN BAD THEN EDP 445, SHE WAS 13 TURNNNG 14 SOON SO SHE PRETTY MUCH 15 IS THE NEW 16 AND 16 CLOSE TO 17 SO MIGHT AS WELL ROUND UP TO 18

YOOO! WAT?!?!

40 DOLLAS FOR CLEANING? IM ONLY THERE FOR ONE NIGHT!