Recent reviews by Mad Doge

While I was in call with someone, I bought this game, played it for the first time, and streamed it for him.
The first prompt is "Who do you want to kill?"
Instead of naming your own character, you name the final boss.
(Edit: Or, at least, I assume the final boss. Don't spoil it for me!)
Of course, I put in the name of the guy I was in call with.
Honestly if he didn't see it coming, he doesn't know me.
Cruel is one of the games of the year.

Did they perhaps push an update that makes it to where there's an "unhandled exception" so that I can't play the game, so that I'd buy the Definitive edition? Well GUESS WHAT, IT WORKED, CUZ I NEED MY GTA III AND VICE CITY FIX.

I couldn't figure out how the hell to attack, so I instead I decided to have a staring contest with the first goblin I met while he slowly killed me. If looks could kill, I definitely would have won the fight.

This is money laundering.

Each character has their own ending, a la Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter. YOUR TURN SUPER SMASH BROS!

Game is ass. I love it.

No you won't find Chivalry 2 here

First achievement: own-goal.

5/7

Only reason I bought this game was so that I could test to see if my credit card was still on lockdown from my failed ATM attempts the previous day, in order to see if I could go and buy some beer. Seriously, it's $2. Sell some cards or something :D

You can sprint backwards.
8 / 10

Edit: I made this review after 8 hours of play time. It is now four and a half years later and I've accrued over 3,000 hours of play time. You can STILL sprint backwards.
9 / 10

Thank you.