Recent reviews by LilMushoom

There are only a few things in this worldly plane that unite us, no matter how we as individuals wish there were more. For one, we all die. The collective realization that we will all perish to our own individual fates is morbid, but brings an abstract sense of comfort when realizing that we will all end up in the same place eventually. Another: pain. Although we may want to exist in a world without suffering, wouldn't living in a pointless world without hardships be pain in of itself? Truly, nobody can live in this world without embracing the hurt one must feel in common with their fellow peers. On must hope, upon realizing these simple facts, that there must be more to the common human experience.

Cheese Rolling. An idol, a martyr, a saint, anything you want it to be. There is no greater human desire in this world than that for cheese. Cheese is such a simple concept; how could it possibly be a universal concept on the same elevation of the concept of fate? It's simple: the human hunger for power will lead everyone — regardless of any physical or mental traits that would otherwise divide individuals in our meaningless societies — to crave cheese. Rice and bread are the basis of human supplementation, but cheese is the lust that drives any sane person to obtain it by any means possible.

Okay, but why rolling? Why not "Cheese Running?" "Cheese Sprinting," anyone? You fool. If you've ever taken a single history class in your entire life, you should know that our societies are built on the wheel. The wheel is the most fundamental piece of technology to ever graze the minds of humanity. We used cars in ancient times to power cities and build the pyramids, and now we use them to become someone. It is clear to any intelligent human being that cars, bikes, airplanes, and any modern modes of transportation — all built with wheels as an integral aspect to their designs — are needed to define oneself as anything other than an amalgam of flesh and bone.

What does this lifechanging experience bring to one's life that the lustrous cheese and the staple of a wheel can't already bring? Friends. One may be able to acquire a meal of cheese, or a wheel for their vehicle, or even the blessing that is a real wheel of cheese, but none of these physical world concepts can bring one true happiness without other cheese-loving, dairy-lusting fiends to connect to and compete against. Sure, other people may be able to absolutely crush every desire in your soul when they are able to reach out and embrace the golden sun of our majesty, the Cheese Roll, before you even get a faint whiff of satisfaction from the silky smooth exterior of the cheese wheel, but you will never be able to satisfy a single circular cheese without the ability to improve. In a healthy capitalist society, competition is needed to improve out overall greater societal environment. Therefore, nothing can beat the lessons we as humans can learn through the godly medium of throwing yourself down a hill in a lust for the cheesiest of them all.

Some might say that any living being that dedicates themselves to the pursuit of cheese is chasing after an artificial reality that will only bring them false promises of salvation from the horrors of our mortal existence. Truly, however, there is nothing more essential to one's quality of life — to one's entire existence, quite frankly — than downloading Cheese Rolling and becoming a better member of the global society. We will all die someday, and we will all feel immense pain at some point in our lives, but for now, all we can do is smile and reach for the cheese.

more like gooner dash

THEY ADDED ONLINE MATCHMAKING THIS GAME IS HEAT (also I despise my friends now)

This game makes me want to say nyoom and vroom 10/10

You won't believe me when I say how many mazes were good...




(it was 20 of them. they were all good :)

Step 1: Get max paranoia + dread
Step 2: the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming

back whole!

Beautiful pixel art, movement feels really nice, and a bug was pretty much the only reason I beat impossible mode.
10/10

100% of the game is insanely cute and will consume hours of your time
The other 10% will consume hours of your time and all of your soul
11/10 please help me

Might just be me, but I hop on an enemy and the game flips a coin to decide which one of us dies.