Second grade survival guide:

• second grade gets HARD. Stay on top of all your homework.

• in sexond grade you learn the hard $hit. Multiplication is no joke. may b get a tutor

• grammer and speling will kill you so practiece a lot

• dronk water

• study 40 hours a day

• dating gets real. this is the grade to get a serious boy/girlfriend. this isn’t 1st grade anymore. cooties aren’t a thing anymore.

• if u get a bad grade punch ur teacher in their crotch!

• 99.99% of people lose their virginity in 2nd grade. don’t get left behind

• girls: no more shopping at justice or baby gap anymore. shop at the real stores now. Like Victoria secret and brandy Melville

• guys: wear heelies to get all the hoes

• you should defiantly know where you wanna go to college at this point

• take all ap classes

• $hit your pants on the first day of school to assert your dominance

• Thank you for listening to my Ted talk
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I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm [explicit] but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Creeper, awww man
So we back in the mine, got our pick axe swinging from side to side,
Side, side to side
This task a grueling one, hope to find some diamonds tonight, night, night
Diamonds tonight
Heads up, you hear a sound, turn around and look up, total shock fills your body,
Oh no it's you again,
I could never forget those eyes, eyes, eyes,
Eyes, eyes, eyes
'Cause baby tonight, the creeper's trying to steal all our stuff again,
'Cause baby tonight, you grab your pick, shovel and bolt again,
And run, run until it's done, done, until the sun comes up in the morn'
'Cause baby tonight, the creeper's trying to steal all our stuff again
Just when you think you're safe, overhear some hissing from right behind,
Right, right behind
That's a nice life you have, shame it's gotta end at this time, time, time,
Time, time, time, time
Blows up, then your health