Recent reviews by Capt. Bonejangles

A game about oral hygiene, responsibility, horses, and five flawed individuals making the b̶e̶s̶t worst of a really, really bad situation.

I want to get off RollerCoaster Tycoon®: Deluxe.

A game for sadistic and clumsy kleptomaniacs such as myself.

Nothing like rocking out to 'British Grenadiers' before getting blasted into oblivion by a Spanish Galleon or surrendering to be hanged for piracy, or catching the plague and dying, or being shot by mutineers, or sinking on a reef, or getting hilariously drunk to the point you get tipsy by proxy, or slowly starving because you spent the entire time trying to harpoon a hat off of a fish...

But hey, it isn't all gloom and doom. If you're stressed out, just go fishing in the waters near Iceland or Nassau. Quality fun fishing areas to stock up on food.

The bristle blossoms just matured and I forgot my allergy meds. Send help.

I just wanted to open a safe, not get sucked into some non-euclidean dimension.

A game where Sherlock Holmes decides that ethics and morals are for chumps before being mercilessly walloped by small, very obnoxious children.

The graphics are a huge step up from previous entries, and the puzzles range from mundane to brutal. There's also an option to skip puzzles, but what fun is that?

Creepy Watson(TM) has been replaced with verbally abused Watson as Holmes finally got fed up with being constantly startled during his investigations. That doesn't stop Watson from being a human obstacle on occasion though, even if it is well warranted.

A lovely and lighthearted story of prostitutes, the dismal poor districts of London, venereal disease, a particular variety of persecuted ethnic minorities, and Sherlock Holmes nonchalantly investigating gristly murders while Watson freaks out on the sidelines.

The puzzles aren't as as ludicrous as the previous games; looking at you, SH: Nemesis. Worst case scenario, the puzzles can be solved with brute force. The deduction board is also introduced for dealing with the facts on hand when it comes to the murders as you come up with the correct conclusions.

Creepy Watson(TM) is back with a vengeance, to the point of Holmes tripping over the friend at his heels. Just enjoy the bleak and hopeless locales as menacing music plays and do random 180s while Watson is following you for best results.

My only complaint? We don't get to fully see the Miller's Court bloodbath. It's Jack the Ripper; most people should know what they're signing up for.

Despite coming out after Sherlock Holmes: The Awakened (2008), this game is significantly more clunky and janky than its predecessor. There is plenty of voiced text repetition and there's an amount of backtracking that would likely grate on the nerves of the less patient, but I was urged to continue on merely from the sheer lunacy of the characters and their actions. The hammy voice acting is still more than alive so I cannot complain.

Poor Watson is suffering from eldritch abomination-based sleep deprivation which is clearly affecting his intellect and sanity; a nice nod at this series's continuity. There are still moments of Creepy Watson(TM), but they are not as ubiquitous.

All that being said, this is a game where I am not entirely sure that I am playing as the actual hero...

(Spoilers, if anyone cares.)

Arsene Lupin
-Wishes to knock an arrogant and haughty empire down a peg or two.
-Is content to chill in small boxes for hours without end.
-Will gladly give out clues to his next exploit, inviting others to stop him.
-Redecorates a drab British art gallery with vibrant French paintings.
-Gives half a dozen ravens a well deserved vacation.
-SURFS on the Rosetta Stone while on a pair of highwire ropes.
-Earns a kiss and the admiration of Queen Victoria.
-Steals treasures from those who can afford to lose them.
-Defeats Holmes [at least] four times.
-Is gracious in his losses and owns up to them.

Sherlock Holmes
-Complacent in his alleged superiority.
-Depressed and irritable when bored.
-Frequently leaves friends and law enforcement in the dark to the situation.
-Burns paintings in an art gallery.
-Nearly murders a turtle.
-Breaks items in the British Museum along with Watson.
-Feeds a dog chocolate. Seriously.
-Gets yelled at by Queen Victoria.
-Smashes up old gifts to the British Crown.
-Filches personal items from others like a deranged kleptomaniac.
-Ragequits upon losing.

France baise ouais traitez avec.

My dear Watson, we just watched a dead fellow be decapitated by giant slugs the size of a man's forearm crawling out of his corpse. Now is NOT the time for a spot of tea!
Honestly, all the Creepy Watson(TM) appearances, clunky controls, janky aging graphics, and hammy voice acting make it surprisingly enjoyable.