Recent reviews by Edward Nigma

Sony has announced the mandatory PSN accounts will not be moving forward.
Major order completed boys, you absolutely love to see it.

I've never written a serious review before, but I'm gonna for this, so help me god.

Let's start with it's most glaring problem. Length. It is very short. Like, I beat it in one day short, even being slow as hell, with regular alt tabbing and at one point getting into a 30 minute art discussion with my friend. I saw one guy say 4-6 hours, and that'd be pretty accurate. There is one "choice" in the game, at the very start, and as I understand it, is largely inconsequential, as there is only one ending anyway.

Next is probably just this store page. It makes it sound like a survival horror game, but it barely is. Ammo and health were never really a problem, and I only ever died once because I didn't see the ammo thing 5 feet away from the first gun. The game is also pretty linear. You can wander off this way or that, but it doesn't really matter because you'll circle back. You do puzzles probably just as much as you do combat.

In the end, it's kind of a survival horror, kind of a puzzle game. But I think predominantly, it's a walking simulator. Just a vibe game.

Which brings me finally to why the review is actually positive, despite all of that.
My BROTHER in CHRIST, those VIBES are unreal. At the end, I could not tell you a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ thing about what the apparent story was. I couldn't tell you whether the gameplay was even particularly fun. But what I could tell you was the environments, the art direction, the VIBES were so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ raw, I didn't care. Every inch of this game is an art piece. Even the most basic of hallways is an absolute wonder to behold. I cannot think of any game that has stirred such a profound sense of wonder, fascination, or curiosity in me. It's a world steeped in decay and melancholy, filled with horror and unnatural, dark beauty.

This is absolutely a niche sort of game. It is absolutely poorly explained on the page. And it took them 7 years to make a game without even as many hours worth of gameplay. But I adore it, all the same. I adore this world they created, and adore the love, care and raw passion put into it. The love and respect Ebb Software have for the works of H.R. Giger and Zdzisław Beksiński must be unparalleled, and I say that as an extremely avid fan of Beksiński, who is far and away my favourite artist of all time. To play this game, it's like seeing new works from both of them. Like they never left at all.

In the end, the game often feels like more of an interactive art piece than an actual video game, and for most people, I would recommend you wait for a sale, or else it's length may leave you feeling ripped off. Hell, I don't know that I would even actually recommend it to a lot of people.

But, if you're like me, and I know how disgustingly pretentious this sounds, one of the few people this game was truly made for, I cannot recommend it enough, price be damned.

Killing Oliver Swanick every time is true Gamer Culture™

Rise, ye Tarnished, and become Elden Lord™

Master work, can't go wrong.

He who fights cannibals must see that in the process he does not become a cannibal itself.

But you will, every time, probably out of spite more than necessity.

This is a great educational game about Australian life.

No idea where I am. No idea where I'm going. No idea what I'm wearing. No idea what I'm wielding. But I know I must kill.

I played with my friend and he named his daughter "Queef Buckle"
I married Queef Buckle because we planned to have our families become inbred to the max. As time went on, I began to enjoy the company of my Queef Buckle. I left for many crusades, I assisted allies close and distant, but Queef Buckle was always in my heart. I confessed my love to Queef Buckle, my darkling Queef Buckle. But life took a dark turn, and someone murdered my Queef Buckle. King Kazimierz fell into depression, the feeling of killing heretics no longer felt the same, as if fighting for nothing. I discovered who murdered my darling Queef Buckle, the light of my life, and executed her. King Kazimierz did not live much longer. The tragedy of Queef Buckles murder still existed however, and the sons of the executed grew angry at the monarchy. My brother took his chance and began to rebel, plunging Poland into civil war. Conquered areas soon took their chance to regain their independence. Poland was lost, a ruin, all because my darling Queef Buckle was murdered in cold blood.
10/10.

My friend just finished cleaning a room.
So I golf swinged a bucket of blood in the room.
We then played hockey with the empty bucket.

10/10, would 360 quick mop again.