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I forget the second.
😬
Mom's son: "Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman
scorned."
😭
It's a lot of fun being alive ... I wonder if my bed is made?!?
😴
Woman's advice has little value, but he who won't take it is a fool.
-- Cervantes
🤒
I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
-- Oscar Wilde
🤗
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
😗
[Peter and Brian are touring the Pawtucket Brewery]
Peter: Wow, it's like I died and went to heaven, then God realized it wasn't my time yet, so He sent me back to a brewery.
🤠
"I saw _Lassie_. It took me four shows to figure out why the hairy kid never
spoke. I mean, he could roll over and all that,
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┛┗┛┗┛┃ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ЫЙ РОООООТ!
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┛┗┛┗┛┃ / /
┓┏┓┏┓┃ノ)
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┛┗┛┗┛┃ GOLD NOVA 1
99%. ОШИБКА! Невозможно удалить лучшего друга. Ты очень важен для меня.