Good afternoon, everybody. Good afternoon. So, 15% up year on year? Well, it's a shame we're up 40% on costs, but I guess... I guess it evens itself out in the end. I mean, does it? Is 15% equal to 40%, pal? Is 15% equal to 40%, pal? No. No! Good! Good head for numbers! All right. You're good folks. You're the best or you wouldn't be in here. But you've got to knuckle down for me. CGI, I can't say too much yet, but I'm going to be spending a lot more time in here with you lot because I love it in here. I fŭcking love it! So, I don't want to know about 3% week on week, I want to know that we're killing the opposition! I want to be cutting their throats! Our rivals should be checking in, out the back of their chauffeured cars because they can't believe what we did! So, fŭcking spicy, so true! Something everyone knows but nobody says because they're too fŭcking lily-livered! They cannot believe what we said, and the fact that we fŭcking said it! They're fŭcking jam smears on the highway! Now, anyone, anyone who believes that I'm getting out, please shove the bunting up your ass. This is not the end. I'm going to build something better. Something faster, lighter, leaner, wilder. And I'm going to do it from in here with you lot! You're fŭcking pirates!

You probably already know, but I'm a major player on Wall Street. Sometimes people ask me "How do you know when to go all in?“ Then I say, "It's because I don’t make trades. I make waves." because you must give everything you have to the grind. If you don't give it all, then what have you got? I'll tell you why. Look at what happened at the Bay of Pigs. JFK, that stupid motherfŭcker, half-assed that whole operation and lost a lot of good cigar rollers because he was scared to lose some airplanes. Now, that's why they killed that mick. Do you want to know someone who went all in? George W. Bush Sr. George made sure they got JFK with three shooters triangulated on his car. Even the driver was ready to turn around and shoot him in his dumb Irish head. George was fully committed, and that's why he lived through two full terms. Extra little bonus, Oliver Stone never made a movie about his getting his face ripped off.

So, that's why I always go all in. It's also why I'm broke after one night in Atlantic City. Turns out a high card is no good.

I'm sure you are informed that I'm a gold member. I'm here to bestow some wisdom onto your head like a brick. I learned this tip from a good friend, O.J. Simpson. He taught me never to give no matter the insurmountable odds or overwhelming evidence. Sometimes it's best to just forget about your problems and drive down the highway in a Ford Bronco. The Juice NEVER slowed down for anything. He would keep slashing no matter how much bone or cartilage got in his way. He once said to me "I'm not black. I'm O.J." This really shocked me because the words were coming out of a black guy's mouth, but that's unrelated to what I was talking about.

So, what have you learned today? That's right, never give up. You never know when a full black jury is going to acquit you. You also never know when the World Trade Centre going to get hit by a plane and close the markets. Sometimes everyone wins.

I've made it obvious to all of you that I'm a paragon of wealth. So, I hear some of you are thinking about your future and potential retirement plans. Well, I'm here to give you some tips on how to achieve that. The most common one I find is having rich parents, but that's impractical for you self-made hustlers. What I recommend is finding a duffle bag full of money. Now, you may be thinking "Where will a young blood like myself find a duffle bag full of unmarked bills?" Well, it doesn't have to be a duffle bag young hopper. It can be a briefcase or a big box full of Rhodesian dollars or whatever mud currency they trade in. Places to have large amounts of cash stashed away are roadside ditches, CIA safehouses and most commonly banks. However, you shouldn't fυck with banks. I know some people who own banks and they are ruthless.

Welp, I hope this helped you on your journey through retirement. However, I don't think you should retire. Dying at your local firm is an honourable way to go out.

You are informed about my money pile. So, you want to know how to vacation like a boss? Well, I guess I'll tell you how I relax. I spend my time in New Orleans teaching bums martial arts. I pretend to be a soup kitchen, but I just sell government rocks (crack) to anyone who enters. I leave piles of screwdrivers and hot-wiring handbooks in public parks. I like to keep the streets dangerous. Relaxation is nothing without conflict. That conflict just so happens to be a horde of keyed-up, taekwondo master, car-stealing bums. On the weekends I hang outside prisons and give freed convicts my business card and a Hi-Point pistol. Afterwards, I call the police on them since they are a felon with a gun. I do this so the police think I'm some kingpin connected to thousands of criminals when in fact I'm just a humble CEO. Keeps me in the news cycle (free publicity). This all maintains a low level of stress and my jolly demeanour, allowing me to perform at my best.

Now, I know I just told you all these top-tier tips but I better not see any of you use them. Otherwise, I will get you locked up for a crime you may or may not have committed.

As you are most likely aware, I'm a pretty big deal. Alright, this is going to be an off-the-cuff tutorial-type thing because I just learned this new business tech. I was doing my deals, but I was running behind on paying some of my top dogs (which never happens). So, I got an idea to quickly get the funds. I just got a new investor and paid off my other investors with their investment. Then after that, I just got another investor to pay off that investor making HUGE PROFITS FAST! Alright, now you may be thinking this sounds like a Ponzi but it's different because... The reason it's not a Ponzi is... oh fυck. I am so fυcked… You guys won't tell the FTC or the SEC will you? This stays between us, right? You know how they get, making a big deal out of nothing. Let's just avoid all that hassle. God, I can't let my investors find out. This is going to ruin me...

Haha, I was just joking everyone. Don't look into my books or ask any other investors. That would be a waste of time. I'm telling you now that it's all legit to save you time. All you will find are above-the-board deals. If you see hundreds of black bags full of shredded paper being burned in the parking lot don’t worry. It's just the fourth of July in China or something.

I don't have to tell you that I'm at peak financial performance. So, you want to know how to turn mud into money? Well, there's only one guaranteed way and that is wishing. You heard me, wishing. Wish like King Midas did, you all know the story (which is 100% true) that anything he touched turned to gold. I know that story is true because I have the same power. I turned my nagging wife and deadbeat son, whom I both loathe, into solid gold. Transforming my biggest failures and emotional baggage into an obscene amount of cash. I now live in a solid gold home with no one to bother me when I'm mogging and mewing. I love it here, all alone.

So, wish, wish, wish. You never know if it will become true. I'm currently wishing to become clairvoyant so I can find out who stole from me.

Well-dressed is one-word people use to describe me. If you want to be successful you have to look successful. Look at the inverse of success: a disgusting hobo. They dress like sħit with literal sħit all over their clothes, no wonder they don't have 401K and a smoking hot wife. Now, let's look at the epitome of success: me. I dress in $30,000 suits made entirely of wagyu beef. The suit never comes off. I may reek, but I reek of SUCCESS. People see my rotting suit merged with my own flesh and they know I'm a big motherfυcking deal.

Get a tailor. If you can't get a tailor get a really good butcher. He'll wrangle you up a nice skin suit.

Business. Business is hell. Every day I clock into the office is a day I might not make it home. Printers fire off like machine guns and phones ring out like mortar fire. Boardrooms turned into no-mans land with each side firing ideas over the table like MG fire coming from a dugout trench. I've seen men, good men, cut down in their prime at the hands of government taxation. Sometimes I wish they would cut me in half. I can't spend another fυcking day in this office.

War. War is hell. I need to get me a gun.