I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith tried camping out on top a building once? He was shootin' crows but the police were to busy tear gassin' him to ask what he was doin up there. He screamed for a entire YEAR, every second single time he opened his eyes. Ooooh man.

I ever tell you about the time Keith and I made fireworks? Now I didn't know ♥♥♥♥ about chemistry but Kieth figured 'gasoline burns doesn't it?' Third degree burns on 95% of his body. Man people in the next city over were calling to complain about the smell of burning skin.

I ever tell you about the time my buddy Kieth drove off a cliff and broke both his legs? And it's not a funny haha story, so much as it's a make-you-think story. For instance, windshields look pretty durable right? Yeah, not the case according to Kieth. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ flew right through that sucker.

My buddy Kieth lived in a graveyard once for a whole year. It wasn't a dare or nothin' he just got kicked out of his house. He said he never saw a single ghost except this one time when a ghost stabbed him from behind and took all his money, and he might have been a homeless guy because he had a robe on and two eyes cut out his face.

I ever tell you about the time my buddy Kieth tried to deep fry a turkey? Third degree burns on 98% of his body. His doctor called up like other doctors to look at em, because he'd never seen burns in top of existing burns.

I ever tell you about the time my buddy Kieth drowned in the tunnel of love? You would think it couldn't happen because the waters so shallow, but that's how it gets ya man, overconfidence. Kieth was with his lady at the time and was yellin for her to save him, but she didn't want to get wet.

I ever tell you about the time me and my buddy Kieth made homemade bumper cars with ride mowers in his backyard? Mower blade wounds over 90% of his body. I didn't run him over either, he somehow managed to fall under his own.

One time the army bombed my buddy Kieth. He went camping and didn't bother reading the signs, and I guess they were just testing bombs that day. All sorts of stuff too, not just regular bombs. Like biological nerve gas bombs, shrapnel bombs, bombs that break up into the air into a hundred smaller bombs.

I ever tell you about the time me and my buddy Kieth were on the top of a burning building? And we had to fight our way down like five floor of zombie, and- Wait a second. I guess that was you guys. Aaw ♥♥♥♥ man, I can't wait to tell Kieth about that one.