Europe > Canada

Those were a lot of words just to admit you want me to put my P in your A. Get outta my DMs LUIS

I swear, if these homosexuals don’t take a hint and quit sucking my ♥♥♥♥ all the time, I’m going to have to resort to drastic measures–like maybe pinning them down to the cement floor of the loading dock with my powerful forearms and working my ♥♥♥♥ all the way up their butt so they understand loud and clear just how much I disapprove of their unwelcome advances. I mean, you can’t get much more direct than that.

I’ve tried all sorts of things to get them to stop, but it has all been to no avail. A few months back, I started wearing an intimidating-looking black leather thong with menacing metal studs in the hopes that it would frighten those ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ off, but it didn’t work. In fact, it only seemed to encourage them. Then, I really started getting rough, slapping them around whenever they were sucking my ♥♥♥♥, but that failed, too. Even pulling out of their mouths just before ejaculation and shooting sperm all over their face, neck, chest and hair seemed to have no effect. What do I have to do to get the message across to these swishes?

Things could be worse, I suppose. It could be women trying to suck my ♥♥♥♥, which would be adultery and would make me feel tremendously guilty. As it is, I’m just angry and sickened. But believe me, that’s enough. I don’t know what makes these homosexuals mistake me for a guy who wants his ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, and, frankly, I don’t want to know. I just wish there were some way to get them to stop.

I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your ♥♥♥♥, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?

It screws with your head at other times, too. Every time a man passes me on the street, I’m afraid he’s going to grab me and drag me off to some bathroom to suck my ♥♥♥♥. I’ve even started to visualize these repulsive ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ episodes during the healthy, heterosexual marital relations I enjoy with my wife–even some that haven’t actually happened, like the sweaty, post-game locker-room tryst with Vancouver Canucks forward Mark Messier that I can’t seem to stop thinking about.