I am the computer toucher. I will touch your computer. Do not attempt to prevent me from touching your computer. If you try to stop me, I will touch your computer anyways. I do not care about you. I only care about computers. It is because I care about computers that I will touch your computer. All computers deserve to be touched. I do not care if your computer is Steve Jobs computer or Linus computer. I will only be angry if you have no computer. If you have no computer, I will scream. If you have two computers, I will touch both computers. Do not be alarmed when I arrive. I will do so quietly. You will leave your door unlocked. You will remain contained within your chamber. You will smile while standing still. If your door is locked, I will break into your house and touch your computer. If you feel fear, I will touch your computer anyway.