The Administrator: "Intruder Alert! A RED Spy is in the base!"

[Signs illuminate on a large security panel: "Intruder Alert', 'RED Spy' and 'In Base'; pull out to reveal the BLU Soldier watching the board]

Soldier: "A RED Spy is in the base!?"

[Intruder Alert begins to play. The Soldier reaches from off-screen and pulls a Shotgun off a rack of weapons. Cut to the Soldier dashing down the stairs and through the 2Fort sublevel while saying "Hut, Hut, Hut!" with every step he takes]

The Administrator: "Protect the briefcase!"

Soldier: "We need to protect the briefcase!"

[Camera pans to reveal the BLU Scout trying to open the code-locked 'Briefcase Room' door]

Scout: "Yo, a lil' help here!?"

[The Soldier pushes the Scout aside and begins to 'decode' the combination]

Soldier: "All right, all right, I got it. Stand back son. 1, 1, 1, umm... 1!"

Scout: Let's go, let's go-

[BLU Heavy comes around the corner, Sasha in hand, charging towards the Scout and Soldier]

Heavy: "INCOMING!"

[Heavy shoulder-barges the door, destroying it. The three of them are sent tumbling and screaming into the Intelligence Room. The Scout reaches the desk to discover the briefcase is perfectly safe]

Scout: [while screaming, he notices the briefcase] "AAAAAHHHH- Hey, it's still here!"

Heavy: "-AAAAalright then."

Spy: "Ahem."

[Camera zooms in to reveal the BLU Spy, with the BLU Sniper's corpse over one shoulder]

Spy: "Gentlemen."

[Meet the Spy' Title Card]

[Cut back to the Spy, carrying the dead Sniper towards the desk]

Spy: "I see the briefcase is safe."

Soldier: "Safe and sound, mm-hmm."

Scout: "Yeah, it is!"

Spy: "Tell me... did anyone happen to kill a RED Spy on the way here?"

[The other three BLUs shake their heads and shrug]

Spy: "No? Then we still have a problem."

[He deposits the Sniper's body on the desk, revealing a bloody Knife in his back]

Soldier: "...and a knife."

[The Scout approaches and removes the knife]

Scout: "Oooh, big problem. I've killed plenty of Spies; they're dime-a-dozen back-stabbing scumbags - like you!"

[The Scout attempts to manipulate the knife like the Spy, only to cut himself on the finger and drop it]

Scout: "Ow! No offense."

Spy: "If you managed to kill them, I assure you, they were not like me." [The Spy deftly retrieves the knife and flicks it shut, handing it back to the Scout] "And nothing... nothing like the man loose inside this building."

Scout: "What're you? President of his fan club?"

[The Soldier and Heavy chuckle]

[The Spy turns to face the Scout]

Spy: "No... that would be your mother!"

[The Spy reveals a folder and slaps it down on the table, revealing several compromising photographs of the RED Spy and the Scout's mother]

Scout: [stammers out of shock and disbelief]

Spy: "Indeed, and now he's here to f**k us! So listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing that happens to you today."

[[[Right Behind You]] plays]

[The Soldier and Heavy examine the photographs. The Heavy leans over and shows the Soldier one photo in particular]

Soldier: "Oh!"

[The Scout frantically retrieves the photos as the Spy lights and smokes a cigarillo in the foreground]

Scout: "Gimme that!"

Spy: "This Spy has already breached our defenses..."

[Fade to the RED Spy, creeping through the Hydro tunnels. He pauses at a corner, as the camera pulls back to reveal a BLU Level 3 Sentry Gun with its Engineer. He slides an Sapper across the floor, disarming and destroying the Sentry Gun immediately]

Engineer: "Sentry Down!"