Food for the mind and mind for the food.

Are you a member of the undead race who has no trouble stomaching vegetation? Do you enjoy ingesting plants rather than the brains of the living? If so, then this is the guide for you!

ARE YOU VEGETARIAN?
A lot of zombies cannot physically digest vegetables in their post-life status, and on some occasions not eating flesh can prove to be detrimental. However, there are a select group of the shambling hoard who can indeed survive on a vegetarian diet. It's a choice, but to have the choice at all you must be able to break down vegetables now that your digestive tract is rather deceased. Do NOT attempt to be a vegetarian or lead a vegetarian unlife style should you find that your intestines do not agree with leafy greens.

Steps to finding out if you have this rare chance at humanity are quite simple and thankfully not harmful to the health of any zombies, vegetarian or otherwise. The three major reasons behind being vegetarian, and as far as our researchers could tell us- they didn't get very far into their explanation, sadly, what with one of our Z.W.ASS. members gnawing into their skulls- they are not difficult to determine.

Those who died before the age of thirty have an 80% chance of being able to digest vegetables and fruits. Those who died of obesity have an amazing 100% chance to become vegetarians. Those who died between the years 1961 and 1971 have a 60% chance on average of being elligible for vegetarianism.

Take a head of lettuce. Good, now bite a chunk out of it and swallow. If you haven't regurgitated the lettuce within an hour of eating it, you are capable of being vegetarian. Lucky you! If you did regurgitate it however, don't feel too bad, you aren't alone. The majority of the zombie population cannot be vegetarian without dying. Again.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE VEGETARIAN?
Surprisingly, vegetarian zombies have no trouble integrating with carnivorous zombies. The simple replacement of that irresistible chant "braaains" for "graaains" can make all the difference in the world! There is no reason that vegetarian zombies should be treated any less for their uniqueness. There is also no reason for vegetarian zombies to be distasteful of their carnivorous counterparts who cannot help their physical requirement of devouring meat.

Being a vegetarian means the freedom to not be clouded with a hunger for brains day in and day out. Although there have been reports of vegetarian and vegan zombies lusting after celery when they haven't eaten for long enough, there is little ethical debate over this considering that vegetables can't scream. Desiring to rip apart a carrot or a sprig of parsley is socially acceptable in this day and age.

HOW DO I COMBAT STEREOTYPES?
Not all zombies are cannibals. Not all zombies are vegetarians, either. It is important to recognize that every group has their own form of diversity and within the group of undead there are special cases. Do NOT allow others, human or inhuman, to treat you poorly for who you are. Not all zombies are alright with the ethics, or lack there of, that come with being zombified. Embrace who you are and do not be afraid to be vegetarian.

The best ways to combat those who are against alternative diets are plentiful in number. Whether you talk to them civilly, challenge them to a game of TF2, or just ask one your cannibalistic cohorts to decapitate them for you, you are NEVER powerless to your tormentors. Others can only ever make you feel inferior if you allow them to. Be ASSERTIVE with your vegetarianism! You can munch on an apple if you want to. Good for you! Be proud of your intestinal system.

THANKS FOR READING.
Sincerely,
F. Scott Fitzgerald