The Holy Book (Chapter 1)

Living in the future, 7 hours to be exact, is a legend. In the Arizonian jungle at the age of 9, was a catkid by the name of LucyTheWaffleCat. (It is currently unknown what is meant by catkid, some perceive it as a juvenile "catgirl" or what weeaboos call a "neko".) She was joined by her trusty partner, Smoky the bear. Like most dwellers of the Arizonian jungle, she was traveling on a mission. This mission was to find a rare tooth monster. (In the original scrolls, the text roughly translated to a tooth monster of folklore at the time.) Ryan (his story is seen in chapter 2) was caught in a rough situation with said tooth monster. LucyTheWaffleCat stared in horror from the shadows as Ryan's tooth was punched out. It was a truly gruesome sight. This happened because LucyTheWaffleCat used Ryan as bait for the tooth monster. In order to use him as bait, she punched his kneecap. She soon realized her mistake, however, so she sent Smoky to save Ryan's poor soul and take him to a hospital. The tooth monster was never seen again, as it was captured by a fellow named Larry. (Little is known about Larry, hence his lack of a surname. Ryan's last name was omitted from the original texts, so that is why he has no last name either.) LucyTheWaffleCat was traumatized by this experience, so she canceled her mission and never went on another mission afterward. (The scrolls claim she yearned for her own freedom, and that is another reason she never went on other missions.) LucyTheWaffleCat soon decided to explore the vast, daunting landscape known as the internet. She witnessed many things during this time period. She looked at and investigated these "things". (The scrolls never mention what these things were, causing many conspiracies about LucyTheWaffleCat's interests and hobbies.) After thorough inspection of said "things", LucyTheWaffleCat learned that Ryan had survived the blow to the kneecap, but was never seen again. Armed with this new piece of information, LucyTheWaffleCat embarked on a journey to find Ryan. (Not much is inscribed about the details of her quest.) She located Ryan, but was surprised to find that there were other people along with him. As a 9 year old catkid, LucyTheWaffleCat did not know english. Therefore, she brought it upon herself to learn english. This would have been no easy task for mere mortals, but to LucyTheWaffleCat it was as simple as breathing. She soon learned english and supposedly went into the legendary War of Memes and Trends. (Her reasoning behind this is unknown at the moment. Even gods can have secrets.) She lost the war. (Which is very intriguing to many historians and priests as someone of her stature could not possibly lose a war. Worshippers claim she felt remorse for the lives she had ended in the battles of the war.) LucyTheWaffleCat would later give up and begin pursuing the visual arts. Naturally, she became renowned as the lord of art and cats.

Helpful guide for non-believers[www.wikihow.com]