gordon is our saviour piss off

As a Gamer-American (Gamerican for short), you cannot possibly believe the daily struggle to simply survive in today’s P2W society. Each minute, I wonder if the McDonald’s WiFi will suddenly cut out, or be privatized, in which case I would have to bend once again to the will of society and either walk across the street (yes, walk) to Dunkin’ Donuts, or I will have to willingly ask what their WiFi password is. Can non-gamers even begin to comprehend what an absolute terror my life is like on a daily basis? I’ve been kicked out of 5 different Burger Kings, simply because my “Desktop was taking up 3 tables,” or “Masturbating in public is “”””””illegal””””””.”

When I first heard the idea of having a communist society from my Gamer-Russian comrade, I laughed and dismissed the concept. Gamers, as we all know, are lone wolves, who cannot be tamed nor trusted (unless you buy me an Asiago Chicken Ranch Club at Wendy’s with a large Coke and a 4-6 pc. nugget). But as he talked about it, it made more and more sense (despite the fact that he himself was barely able to articulate words at the time, as he had just snuck out of his hospital bed the night after he had a stroke, heart attack, and was run over by 17 consecutive Honda Civics). With communism, Gamers would never have to work against society by themselves. Gamers could truly rise up, and form a complete utopia, free from oppression and minorities. We would all be privy to the same games on steam (not epic though because they’re capitalist dogs who should be shot), so no single Gamer would have a P2W advantage over another. But the best part?

Gamers wouldn’t be free from society. They would be society.

So join me gamers, in a world free from oppression, where all could—

♥♥♥♥ they’re kicking me out of another McDonald’s