More terrifying than...well, a robot gopher

“But they were, all of them, deceived, for another GOPHER was made. In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a master GOPHER, to control all others. And into this GOPHER he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life. "One GOPHER to rule them all." One by one, the Free Lands of Middle Earth fell to the power of the GOPHER. But there were some who resisted. A Last Alliance of Men and Elves marched against the armies of Mordor and on the slopes of Mount Doom, they fought for the freedom of Middle Earth. Victory was near. But the power of the GOPHER could not be undone.”