Join us as we praise our lord and savior Gabe Newell.

I was only 19 years old. I loved Gaben so much, I had all the games and hats. I pray to Gaben every night before bed, thanking him for the games I have purchased. "Gaben is love" I say, "Gaben is life". My roommate hears and calls me a nerd. I knew he was just jealous, of my summer sales. I called him a peasant. He slaps me and goes to Gamestop. I'm using my computer now, and my face hurts. I feel a warmth coming towards me. Something touches me. It's Gaben! He whispers in my ear. "This is my wallet." He grabs my hands with his powerful gamer hands, and puts them on my keyboard. I'm ready. I spread my wallet for Gaben. He penetrates my funds. It makes so much debt, but I do it for Gaben. I can feel my mortgage growing as my library starts to grow. It costs so much, but I do it for Gaben. I buy games myself. I want to please Gaben. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my library with games. My roommate walks in. Gaben looks him straight in the eye and says "It was worth the weight". Gaben leaves through my computer screen. Gaben is love. Gaben is life.