In the beginning there was cake. He was happy, knowing that he was going to meet his beloved in the bakery the next day. After all, the bakers made certain that he looked his best for the big day.
Once placed on the shelf in the store, with plenty of pastries and cakes around him, he grinned from ear to ear. He started introducing himself to each of the pastries, but they dismissed his greeting. They knew what was coming that day. They had overheard the bakers talking, and it had them quivering on their plates.
It wasn’t until later in the day that the cake had realized that true love doesn’t exist. What exists is the horror that ensues when the cake leaves the store with a human.
So, brave children, know this. The cake has feelings, too.

Everything is cool when you're part of a team.

This is why we can’t have nice things...