I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. You're not alone, many of us feel down like very down to the point we don't want to exist anymore. I hope you feel better soon, Take care and stay safe.

I've been thinking about suicide all day and all weekend and I still don't know how, ever since I can remember I've been sad, I'm not happy with existing, I don't feel happy nor have I experienced love, I don't know how to leave all this misery beyond taking my own life or being content with it and letting my brain exist to suffer, I see things differently than everyone else and it's affecting me too much to live like this, I don't feel good here, I want to leave this place all the time ,only sadness and being totally isolated from human beings that I hate when I have the sense to do it, if not I'll just be sad, where the sun never shines I don't even want to be in this world. But this place has always been a safe place for me, away from all the horrible place I have to live in, I always wish to find it.