David Kelly's Divine Teachings

First, there was nothing.

Then, God himself created the planet we know and love, Earth. There on Earth, it was paradise: just lush foliage, vast oceans, and diverse wildlife far as the eye could see. But God got bored. And from boredom sprouts curiosity.

As God watched over Earth,

He realised something: out of everything there, nothing was even close to him! Sure there were apes, but they didn't share his mind; and there were octopuses, but they didn't share his body. So he created a garden, free of all life, save for the plants inside and a single man, modeled directly after himself: David.

David was a spectacular being. Superhuman by today's standards. He lived off the fruits and vegetables inside, a harmonic and peaceful relationship with nature. But something didn't feel right. For weeks he would ponder, "what's wrong?" Then it hit him... David was alone.

God, sensing David's disturbance, went down to speak with him. "What is wrong, my child?" he said, worried.
"I feel lonely, oh great one. There is nothing but beauty here, and yet no other being but you and I are here to admire it." God realised what he had to do.
"David," God began, "Give me nothing but an informational YouTube video on rockets and I'll provide you with a companion."

Tasked with the most difficult journey of his life, David was determined to complete this tutorial and gain a compatriot. After 3 days of restless work, he was finally finished. He showed his mightiest creation, and God himself was enlightened. It brought tears to his eyes. "My child, it is beautiful. I shall reward you tenfold of what I promised."

On this day, god gifted David his perfect counterpart: Kelly.

Kelly was just as magnificent as David in every way, shape and form. Together they formed an amazing team, and began developing the world we know and love today.

Over five thousand years later, between the years 1965 and 1975, a new prophet was born. Named after the holiest beings to ever live, he is known simply as David Kelly. He is just as powerful and magnificent as the holy men and women who have lived before him, yet he chooses not to use his awesome powers. He is content with living his life as a simple science teacher, yet still spreading the teachings of his God.

David Kelly is God's final Prophet and Messenger.

David's Holy Rocket Report
David's Holy Rocket Report (p2)
David's Holy Rocket Report (d3)

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MaddiePoodle 5 Apr, 2017 @ 2:44pm

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Davd Kelly The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the teachers would tell you. It’s an upperclassman legend. David Kelly was a Prophet of the Lord, so powerful and so wise he could use his Rocket Reports to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of Energy that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. Knowledge of such power is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his followers, which eventually, of course, he did. Fortunately, he taught his apprentice, Jediwolf, everything he knew, then his apprentice blessed him in a Steam Group.