When I was young I was raised in the forests by Brian Ferry. It was amazing. Magic times. I loved hanging out with Ferry. Oh we used to go hunting, fishing. We lived in a small house made out of bus tickets. Brilliant. Problem was; Brian used to go on tour quite alot so he used to leave me with various different animals.
I remember one time he left me with Jahooly the leopard, who was pretty irresponsible. He used to take me out killing gazelles. Knowing full well that Brian was a strict vegetarian he used to feed me the soft tasty meat. I remember afterwards, oh I'd be so full I'd need a little sleepy. But just as I was nodding off old Calooney the dirty cobra came whisking up the side of the tree.
He said to me ''You should never sleep'' I said ''Why Calooney, what are you on about?'' and he said ''Because the monkey folk plan to steal your face'' I went ''What do you mean?''
Apparently the king monkey wanted a man's face in order to be a proper king, and he'd seen mine and that was the one he wanted. He tried to get Columbo's but that was on too tight.
Anyway, the problem was it was so hot in the jungle, and I was so full I couldn't help it - I fell asleep...



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