Doctor Aztayev Shentik Bihron Urazanov bin Mohamet Al-Baikonur Yamak

Doctor Aztayev Shentik Bihron Urazanov bin Mohamet Al-Baikonur Yamak has served as Kazakhstan's 2nd Minister of Sciences and Prescription Narcotics since 1993 (except for a small hiatus)


Doctor Yamak was born in Baikonur, Kazakhstan on July 20, 1965- a date celebrated nationally as the Feast of Shurik. His father, Uraz Yamak, served thirty-three years as a member of the Hebrew Detection Council, and was awarded a medal in 1978 for his fiftieth capture. His mother, Anna Dzaizakovich, was bequeathed to Uraz shortly after he received the award. They raised their children, Aztayev and Anna, in Almaty. To give Aztayev the opportunity to improve his medical career, his parents enrolled him in school at the age of 11. It is a little-known fact that Doctor is not a title, but Aztayev Yamak's legal first name.

In 1994, Yamak married his sister Anna Yamak, Jr. in a large ceremony at the Temple of the Hawk in Almaty. After several years of attempting to conceive, Anna gave birth to triplets whom they named Nurlan, Nurtas (both conjoined) and Akezhan.
When the children were 4 years old, Nurtas was surgically removed from his brother and kidnapped by the Ker ♥♥♥♥♥ clan. Rather than negotiate, Yamak ordered an airstrike on their cart, killing Nurtas and his ♥♥♥♥♥ captors. In a later interview, Yamak said "I am not ashamed by my actions at the Battle of the ♥♥♥♥♥ Cart, maybe this will teach them how to behave around respectable Kazakhs."

Yamak's first act as Science Minister was to release a report detailing the extreme differences in brain size between men and women. According to his report, women have brains "almost equal in size to the droppings of a rabbit" while men "have a brain with a 73 centimetre diameter. The man's brain is large, strong, and able to drown small children if tied to their feet"

Some of Yamak's lesser known accomplishments include:

-Advocating the physical and psychological benefits of sexual harassment in the workplace.

-Creating new laws preventing Jews from receiving vaccines in Kazakh clinics.

-Disproving the existence of several diseases.

-Legalizing the use of pesticides near schools and children's hospitals

-Proving the Jewish race's culpability in the extinction of dinosaurs


On January 14, 2005, at the age of 23, Aztayev Yamak was reported to have died. Upon hearing the news, President-for-life Nursultan Nazarbayev declared a state of emergency, ordering all Jews, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, and Uzbeks to be imprisoned, blaming them for Yamak's death.

Yamak was temporarily replaced by Kamat Tazhin, an Uzbek Nurse kidnapped while on a foreign aid mission. Later that year, Yamak was found wandering around Tokyo by a Kazakh tourist. After a trip to the local embassy, he was returned to Kazakhstan.

In 2007, Dr. Aztayev Yamak was reappointed as Minister of Sciences. Tazhin, his Uzbek substitute, was executed according to Kazakh tradition.