Always Watching Always Erect

Today at percisely 4:00pm The local hoodlum known by the allias of The Krak Slinging Slasher Attacked a small asian boy on his way home this evening.
Report's are flooding in that the little boy called jake coonley was walking past a lampost when to his shock the lampost jumped at him and attempted to mug the poor boy. Jake threw the only thing he had at the attacker which was a tub of sudocrem which stunned the attacker for long enough so he could run away but the krak slinging slasher was too fast and the asain ended up being beaten almost to death. According to coonley's father kennith he made a statment about the attack saying "To be honest it's just what he needed like i would usually aabuse the like prick myself but it never worked but after the krak slinging slasher raped him the little prick be begging to get spit on the face" Eyewitness reports say that the krak slinging slasher had accomplice the description was a man in his 50's responding to the name papa bucko. He was spotted minutes after the attack fleeing from the scene. The two suspect's papa bucko and the krak slinging slasher are still at large so the next time you see a lampost dont be supprised if it jumps to life and rape's you to death. This has been IM ERECT News at 3:00 O'clock Goodnight and Godspeed.