Wrong Number

Well it's pretty late in my time and nobody bothered to come here. *sigh*

Yup.

You all know me, but you might as well forget me.

You see, I wasn't all to happy to be part of the group months and months ago, I guess I was too gullible to figure out some problems I have noticed that no other people within the group chat noticed, or is it just me? But without further ado, I have to come out clean and explain my problem.

It all had to do with one person.

It all began on my usual enjoyment of MvM since last April, 2013. This man at first was full of energy and one who is in charge of taking any action. Any leader with that kind of trait is great to have and well, we met that day. We just talked about stuff and at first, I actually liked this guy because he is not the kind of person you would not normally get to meet. A pro player who is talkitive... maybe a little too talkitive. I was fine with this man at the time and soon enough, we quickly became friends. I wanted to get to know him more and at the time, I always wanted to repay him by giving him what he needed. I like to make people happy and let them do their thing, I just do it just because and I do not expect to recieve anything back but happiness. I don't tell this to others, but I might as well say so.

So not too long afterwards he offered me to participate the games, and my first reaction was like "Seriously? To be in a competitive game!?" To me that sounded like they could use a reliable person... which I don't know why, but I just can't let that opportunity slip by... I gotta say though, looking back at it, I regret joining the games because I just... well... I didn't expect this to turn out for the worst, but I haven't got to that part yet.

So being introduced to his friends, I thought to myself as an unusual person of the group, just didn't know what was going on and tried to abribe when orders are needed. Now I am not much of a social person and because I grew up isolated most of my life... so far, I am used to it. Of course I had a habit of not being involved, both on purpose (most of the time) and sometimes I forget. I wouldn't show up UNLESS in certain times like when the match shows up, but I rarely considered showing up just to say "Hello". Instead however, I was interupted to show up for anything, even in times when there's really nothing interesting going on. I got nothing to contribute during most conversations, and even if I wanted to say something, they pretty much just ignored that. Fact is, I don't feel as important like most of them, I'm just... there.

Well yes I do speak, but I tend to be more social only when there's like very few people. I can't deal with the group past three, or four. By then, it would be pointless. I'm more of a one-sided convo person.

In competitive gaming, it was fun... if I can make it fun. Though that's because it was the first time I ever been in one, and I'll even say it is the closest to an actual sport I am actively part of. Sure there are days when management goes wrong and the times would have to be changed. Over the course, we gained some, we lose some... both games and people. If I had a say about my last year's experience, it was okay but if I ever come back to TF2's competitive game, I'll have to be prepared and find time to do so.

And this is where the kicker comes in...

This man that I talked about... bothers me.

What was it that he's hiding from me, us even? Why act as if there's always something going on and then... other things that I find is hard to believe. Early on I kinda just nodded and didn't care much, all I am interested is just... well, I dunno. The fact that this person also angers me, and yes, "angers" is what I tend to think, it's more of a rant that I personally kept to myself.

You see, if you're going to say stuff like that, there are two things: Either be honest with your stories, or don't bother saying them to me or anyone. One thing I cannot get is why, why make up stuff? Well if you were being honest, how come some of the stories you said before didn't tie with the current events, that does not happen. A cyborg chest? A sister with a similar sounding voice? A half-vampire and... whatever that other part is? Sounds to me these are just near nonsense that you read in troll fourms or some made up stories. Even if you do sound true in your voice, why make it sound better as if your life is more exciting than ours. I know you're trying to rally up a conversation, but you can't just make up ♥♥♥♥ on the fly. Next thing I started thinking about is if you even had a mute sister that some people says, you're confusing me and I lost trust in you some months later. You can say all you want, but I had enough with your game. Because of that, whatever you say I just would say, "Okay". But behind that I played the same game as you are, you already crossed the hidden line.

If secrets is a big deal, just don't even share stuff with me or anyone. Don't make it sound like you and I knew for years when in reality it's only been a few months... I know you don't want to show your face, but that's fine... but why go as far as to cover up when really you unplug the camera. I have one, but I'll only use it when I feel like it, no spies and whatever those peolple are doing wouldn't find you... and yeah, I don't believe in your silly fantasies.

In addition, the people. There could've been better ways. Sure some of them act like jackasses, but there's no need to go as far as to wrangle them till you split their heart in half... gruesome does it, but look man, this is the internet and it functions much differently than it was in real life. We all need to work together and I dunno... resolve it without going on a hissy fit? I can't really say the times we had gone through, and there was a saying I said before, "Sometimes you'll need to put out the bad weeds to uncover a good plant." We certainly got rid of some, but again... the way you do it will carry that reputation and they'll probably say stuff about you that you're just this or that.

Also, I feel forced to join in even while I am doing other stuff, MvM, art, other stuff... but that's just me.

So after a... decent run with the games, college was about to start soon and I had to be ready to go do studies. Now I do show up whenever I have the time, but then I once said this, after the games, I am thinking about returning the competitive games. Well this man thought the whole team wouldn't be complete without me so guess what, I sucked myself in and joined DURING college. I think that was a bad move for me because it was around the time when my assignments are starting to build up... so much I was stressed. Plus I had a technical issue when I was upgrading my PC with the parts I bought... and yeah, that certainly ate up my time. It was by this point I decided that I shouldn't come and I hope he hired a replacement to take my place.

That and the issues above...

... I wanted to quit...

Actually, a few times really, but I don't want to upset him. First was when I am starting to think I am contributing to the failiures in some matches. This man went as far as to hand out items that I don't need... but he wanted to. Thinking about it, having virtual gifts from people you met and left leaves something to think about... memories of joy and regrets.

Second was when I needed to spend more time for myself since homework was big, and some things people say about him made me bocked him. Of course after sometime later, I unblocked him and... well... I expected something unsettling from his words, but instead another gift... man why do I get free stuff and never made a proper promise? Why?

Well the third time is when I just couldn't take it and did the "♥♥♥♥ it, we're through". I silently left the group and the leader, the man who I looked up once, now I looked... down. Ironic that I am a weed and I pulled myself out before ♥♥♥♥ hits...