"This is why we can't have nice things."

First off, I’d like to thank the People of BlackWater for choosing me to represent you in the Blackwater Election. It is such an honor to be elected as one of your Leaders. I am humbled that you would place your faith and trust in me. This is a responsibility that I do not take lightly, and I will endeavor to represent you with the utmost transparency and boldness.
Secondly, I would like to thank my opponent for running such a fair and competitive campaign and for opening my eyes to so many new perspectives regarding this office. I would also like to thank my campaign manager and all of the many volunteers who worked tirelessly to help us achieve this accomplishment. Lastly, I would like to thank my family and friends for their unending support. But most of all, thank you to the People of Blackwater for using your voice, your vote, to express your confidence in me. Thank you for the opportunity to serve you.